Musings of the Dings

Blog Moving Notice

2006-07-06T15:39:00.000-07:00

In the interest of doing some more fancy stuff with our blog (like categories and other fun stuff), we're moving this blog over to our own host. Future posts will be posted at DingHome.net. All of our old posts and this blogspot site will remain (though we won't be adding new posts here).

Odds are, if you can read this, you're subscribing to our blog by subscription. In which case, your best bet is to update your feed URL to http://dinghome.net/feed/.

Training My Children to Sit Still

2006-06-28T20:46:00.000-07:00

My Taming the Hurricane in the House post raised a question in the comments section on how I got to the point where kids could sit still while I made dinner.

The short answer is, "Practice, practice, practice."

Here's the long answer:

When my oldest was 15 months old, I started training him to sit still. I placed him in a regular chair or a highchair. I then set a timer for five minutes. He was required to sit and not come down. Whenever he tried to come down, I told him "no" and then placed him back in the chair. I did this everyday and as he got better, I increased the time to 10 minutes. Slowly and surely we worked up to 30 minutes. Eventually we transitioned into listening to a sermon together every morning, and this lasted anywhere from 30 minutes to one hour. On a humorous note, the sitting and listening sometimes resulted in something a little more... sedentary. This picture was taken after we'd listened to a sermon from John MacArthur:

We have continued with this even as we've had more kids, even though it is no longer an everyday occurrence. Seeing their big brother sitting still, the little ones have learned to sit as well. As you might expect, when he acts up, it can sometimes be a poor example as well. One thing we've noticed is a direct relationship between frequence of "practice" and their ability to do so.

It may sound like we have perfected this training but please rest assured that our children still struggle with sitting still. There are still many reminders and "no's" whenever they are required to sit. There are still many Sundays where we come out of church service disappointed or frustrated because our children did not sit well. They are still in training. The key is to be vigilant and persistent. In the meantime, I eagerly await the day when they surprise and delight me by sitting still with not a single reminder or word of correction.

Let's Give Our Children "Eden"

2006-06-23T13:35:00.000-07:00

We are sometimes criticized for being over-protective of our children because we carefully monitor what they can or cannot watch, hear, or do. Over the years I have given this comment a lot of thought. Are we really being over-protective? Is being protective good or bad? Are we sheltering our children in a way that hinders their growth instead of promoting it?

Whenever we hear the word "over-protective" or "shelter," it conjures up a negative connotation instead of positive. What I'd like to argue for is a positive connotation. It is a good thing to protect and shelter our children from harm. We see it even in nature where mama bear will fight and protect her cub should her baby be in any harm. One would think intuitively being a protective parent is a good thing when the children are young. However, as children move toward adulthood, it is not healthy if the parents are still protecting and sheltering in the same fashion.

I often wonder why parents don't send their two year olds on their own to cross the street? Why do they need to hold their hands all the time? Why can't the children be exposed to the reality of the street? Questioning this seems absurd. Of course you want to keep your children from physical harm. How is this different from keeping them from emotional and spiritual harm?

Because we are a homeschooling family, we were occasionally asked how our children will learn to deal with the unfairness of the world when they are grown if they are not going to face the playground bully at school while young. Believe me, I didn't make this question up. From what I know, children who were bullied while young often carry this scar with them up to adulthood. There are even programs in public schools to reduce this kind of activity — which seems to contradict the idea that we should expose our children to it (see here and here)! This doesn't prepare them for the unfairness of the world. In fact, it can cripple them. My goal is to shelter and protect my children while they are still children so as to better equip them for the world when they are grown up. As another example, why is that we send people to boot camp before they are sent out to fight in a war? Why can't we just send out anyone who wants to fight without any boot camp? The reason is obvious: the soldiers need training first before they can be sent out to the actual war. Likewise, our children need proper training and upbringing before they can be effective in the world — especially as ambassadors and soldiers for Christ.

My goal at this stage in my children's lives is to "give them Eden," a phrase borrowed from John Mark Reynolds of Biola University. The Garden of Eden represents the most perfect and beautiful place where truth, beauty, and goodness reign. Instead of exposing my children to the ugliness of this world, I want to give them Eden. When they are ready, they will surely learn about the reality of this world. Children who are exposed to the ugliness of this world early on tend to be disillusioned and have a difficult time appreciating beauty when they are grown. In other words, their worldview has been tainted and they carry with them a distorted view of the world — which can hinder them from appreciating true beauty.

My main point is that we want to do as much protecting and sheltering by giving our children "Eden" while they are young. As they mature, we will carefully unfold the realities of this world to them and trust God to enable to live discerningly with the tools we've given them by then.

Taming the Hurricane in the House

2006-06-21T21:17:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not talking about the recently begun hurricane season in the Gulf Coast region. We live in sunny Northern California where all we have to fear is the "big quake" which will hit someday. That's okay, though. Even that is in God's hands.

I'm talking about the hurricane otherwise known as my kids.

Just over a month ago, I delivered a baby and Evers started a month of family leave to help at home. Now he is back at work and I've resumed my daily duties. This evening I found it difficult to make dinner with the kids running around and playing wildly. It finally dawned on me (yes, it takes a while now to remember things) that I can have the kids sit still while I make dinner. We've been training the kids to sit still for the purpose of sitting with us during church service as well as training for self-control.

So here's what I did: I had all three children (the baby was asleep at the time) sit in separate chairs, away from each other so they don't try to play with each other. I then set a recently purchased kitchen timer for 15 minutes. They did fabulously! I was so proud. My only regret was that I didn't set the timer for longer. I really think they could sit for 30 minutes or more. While I made dinner, they sat and sang. When their voices got too loud, I told them to quiet down. I'm very happy that we've started this type of training now because it is quite a daunting task to care for four young children, all four and under without implementing some means of keeping them from getting out of control!

Kids can understand a LOT!

2006-06-20T17:01:00.000-07:00

It's often been said that one should never underestimate what children understand and learn.

My four-year-old boy Matthew is great at proving that axiom. Here's a couple of examples from the past two days:

Yesterday the family came to the office to attend a baby shower thoughtfully put together by my co-workers to celebrate our new baby girl (and my return to the office). As we were preparing to board the elevator, Matthew ran over to the opening door. Inside there were already people going down. Instead of simply waiting outside or running inside, he instead stood right by the opening and extended just his arm to block the door. He knew that doing so would hold the door open by by triggering safety sensors. He then hollered, "Hurry up, Dad!" As I got in, one of the people in the elevator marveled that so small a child would understand how to do that! She said, "When he first put his arm, I thought he was playing! But he actually knew to keep the door open that way. I don't think I'd ever have known how to do that at his age!"

This afternoon, when Lois was cutting up a pastry for him to eat, she reports that he told her, "Mommy, don't cut yourself. The knife is sharp and you need to be careful." As she put it later, he talks just like us!

All the more reason to be extra watchful about the behavior that we exemplify for our children. That he is so quick a study also reminds me of how easily he can also learn ugly habits like anger, envy and discontent. May they instead learn not only "clever tricks" and smart safety tips, but also a love for the gospel every single day!

Happy (One Month) Birthday Calissa!

2006-06-19T22:05:00.000-07:00

Our youngest little child, Calissa, turned one month old today! To be honest, I've been so focused on caring for the three older kids that I've barely spent much time cuddling up with her. So ironically, when Lois had an appointment this morning that left me with all four, I finally made some time to focus on Calissa. First giving her a bath, then dressing her up in a cute little outfit. She really is a cutie. What a blessing God has put into our family.

CD Review: Worship God Live

2006-06-17T15:58:00.000-07:00

I spent the last month or so listening to Sovereign Grace Music's latest release, Worship God Live. This album was recorded, as the title suggests, during a live worship and song session at Covenant Life Church in Maryland. Bob Kauflin, who serves as Director of Worship Development for Sovereign Grace Ministries, provided the CD for review without cost via an offer on his thoughtful Worship Matters blog.

As I've come to expect from worship music coming from Sovereign Grace, I was impressed by the substance and gospel-centeredness of the songs on the album. All of the songs were written by members of Sovereign Grace churches. The gospel-richness of the songs was typified by the chorus of Jesus, Thank You:

Your blood has washed away my sin
Jesus, thank You
The Father’s wrath completely satisfied
Jesus, thank You
Once Your enemy now seated at Your table
Jesus, thank You

How often do songs speak of the satisfaction of the wrath of the Father in the cross? Such clear and faithful declarations of the truths of the gospel were embodied in the songs of the album. Listening to these songs left me with little question that bringing these into a corporate worship context would help guide the congregation into reflecting on the glory of God in Christ.

One thing I'm always looking for as a song leader is songs that will help a congregation sing as one, rather than as merely a number of individuals in the same room. While there's certainly a place for hymns speaking of "I" and "me;" it's equally important that God is saving for Himself a people, and the church is the Body of Christ made up of interconnected members. When we come together as the church, it's a unique time and context for singing as the people of God and not just a bunch of persons. Therefore, I always look for songs for the church to sing together that acknowledge our oneness in Christ. The songs in particular that I liked along these lines were God Moves (an update of William Cowper's hymn with an added chorus of "... God, we trust in You..."), Receive The Glory, the upbeat How Majestic, and, of course, the updated version of O God, Our Help in Ages Past.

I also felt that nearly all of the arrangements were fitting to the lyrics. That is, too often, it seems folks think one can take any lyrics and drop some fast rock beat on without any effect on the ability to appreciate the lyrics. That kind of thinking is equivalent to thinking one could simply take the original lyrics of And Can It Be and put them to rap without taking away from the hymn's "usability" in congregational worship. I think not. In general, the album did a good job pairing meaningful lyrics with appropriate musical arrangements. In particular, I liked the album's redux of O God, Our Help in Ages Past. (Sovereign Grace, in general, has done some very tasteful and high-quality "updates" of very good hymns. The Upward album showcases some excellent examples of this.)

One area I felt the album fell short was the very prominent presence of percussion and other instruments in the production. The band/instruments were audible to the point of taking away from the ability to discern and appreciate the lyrics. I actually had to turn down the treble on my stereo in order to reduce the "noise." I tried to capture this in a short audio clip, which first features a "flat" EQ version followed by toning down the high-end treble. This is just a personal preference, but it seems altogether too common in churches these days that the worship band/instruments are very audible and the congregation's "voice" seems lost amidst the performance. I think the recording would've been better with less emphasis on the high-end percussion sound (snares/hi-hat) and electric guitar(s). Oddly enough, I didn't really perceive this as a problem listening to some of my older Sovereign Grace live recordings from the now discontinued "Come and Worship" series such as Depth of Mercy. In that album, the voices were very prominent and the instruments were in the background as I think they should be in congregational worship. To grant benefit of doubt, recordings can only capture a snippet of the actual experience. And this complaint is relatively minor, since it's something I can correct with some equalizer tweaking.

Perhaps a more serious complaint is that the style of worship leading seems much more performance-oriented than to accompanying an average congregation. Namely, when listening to a studio-recorded session of "worship songs," I fully expect a number of creative insertions, solo variations, etc. But the more I listened to this album and tried to "worship along," the more I was distracted by a number of musical interludes and segues between verses in which the worship team members were singing their own solos. If you've listened to any common live "rock" worship albums, of course, you probably know what I mean. If not, here's a sample audio clip from one of my otherwise better-liked songs on the album, Jesus, Thank You. The question I asked myself was, "What would I do while these worship bands were singing their little solos? Would I watch and wait 'til they sync'ed up? Would I sing my own solo amidst a congregation? Or would I just watch and listen to them?" Since the last seemed most likely, it seemed to violate for me a core principle of worship/song leading: don't be the center of attention. Of course, I recognize that the congregation at Covenant Life is likely accustomed to this style — and that overrides my personal concerns. Perhaps it's due to their continuationist preferences. But in general, this style seems indicative of an unhealthy trend of performance-oriented "worship leading" that's more common than not, especially among churches trying to emulate "successful" mega-churches.

All in all, the pluses outweighed the minuses of the album. I wouldn't try to emulate the worship leading style of the band(s) in the album. But the songs themselves commend themselves to be introduced to congregational worship for any church interested in new songs that are full of the gospel, of Christ, and of a passion and zeal for the glory of God. Amidst so many options for so-called worship music that is far more self-centered than God-centered, this album is a great choice. That Sovereign Grace makes all the sheet music and chord sheets available on their website for free download speaks volumes of their desire to make sure song leaders can use these great songs within their own congregations. I'd encourage any song leaders to purchase the album and pick up song sheets for songs that they think would work for their congregation.

Baby Care Web Page Updated

2006-06-06T00:12:00.000-07:00

I updated our Baby Care page and made the following changes:

New diaper cover information
Updated diaper washing instructions
Yogurt making

Book Review Preview: Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands

2006-05-31T09:02:00.000-07:00

I've recently begun reading
Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands: People in Need of Change Helping People in Need of Change by Paul David Tripp. I hope to put a book review together upon completion. So far I've found it to be a very well-written and compelling book. The thesis of the book, in essence, is that too often Christians assume that "counseling" in the church is the domain of professionals. This assumption is too often fed by an unbiblical view of the pastoral ministry as *the* "ministry" -- when in fact, the saints themselves are the ministers and pastors are called simply to equip them to do it.

Having read the first 1/4 of the book, I've been impressed especially by Tripp's emphasis that preceding counseling -- informal and formal -- there must be proper understanding of what causes behavior, namely, the *heart*. He uses a number of helpful autobiographical examples to drive home this point.

One thing he points out a number of times which rang especially true is that too few Christian marriage, family and relationship books spend any time talking about the core causes underlying conflict and problems, i.e., the desires of our hearts. Much energy in these books and counseling is spent on improving communication, etc. But as he points out wisely, the problem is often not merely failing to communicate effectively with another person, but our own fallen hearts. As I've thought on a number of occasions, it's not other people who make me angry -- it's my own sinful heart. After all, Jesus in his perfect manhood would still never have sinned even under the duress of my life. It seems vain to even hint at it, given his holy response to the suffering of the cross. The point is, my sinful heart at the core of my problems -- not the external stimuli that reveal my heart.

In any case, Lord willing, I'll finish this book within the millenium and be able to offer a review.

Calissa being adored by her brothers

2006-05-22T16:12:00.000-07:00

Well, at least, I think it's being "adored." Either that, or they're driven by immense curiosity.

And here's proof she firmly belongs in the Ding family: on day three she's a thumbsucker just like the rest!!!

A couple more photos of Calissa

2006-05-20T09:09:00.000-07:00

And Then There Were Four!

2006-05-20T01:21:00.000-07:00

We gratefully announce the arrival of our fourth child, a little girl named Calissa Jane Ding. Her name is derived from the Greek word "kalos" which means "beautiful" or "good."

She was born on May 19, 2006 at 11:54 pm. Her initial stats: 7 lbs 8 oz and 18 inches long.

Oddly enough, this was Lois' longest labor yet. Her contractions began at 6:30am and continued into the evening with little progress. By then we'd checked into the hospital because Lois' water broke in the noon hour. We made a difficult decision at 9:30pm -- after 15 hours of inconsistent contractions -- to have a light drip of pitosin administered to accelerate her seemingly stalled and ineffectual labor. That did the trick (yikes!) and within 2+ hours, we had our baby girl. Through it all, as with her other two deliveries, she did it without any anesthesia.

What makes this day particularly notable is that it's also our fifth wedding anniversary. Happy anniversary, babe. Though arguably the toughest one! We'll have to do a make-up date soon...

Thank you Lord. Bless this little girl! And God bless her momma for an amazing job enduring a long and at times discouraging labor.

Some resources on feminine modesty

2006-05-12T14:22:00.000-07:00

In a previous post I mentioned a couple of good resources on gospel-motivated feminine modesty. If you haven't read that post, I'd encourage you to first visit and download an excellent message from C.J. Mahaney titled "The Soul of Modesty."

Here are a few more recent blog-links that discuss this topic helpfully:

From the Mahaney girltalk blog
From the PyroTeam blog

Brothers and sisters, I encourage you all to take some time to consider this subject.

Two adorable and handsome boys...

2006-05-05T15:30:00.000-07:00

... though I might be slightly biased.

And in case you missed it, a couple of months ago our Emmaline had photos taken as well!

Win a microscope from Spunky!

2006-05-05T14:02:00.000-07:00

Spunky is giving away a Benz Microscope and Apologia Biology Set this week. Click Here to get the details.

How much should Lois make as a SAHM?

2006-05-03T16:13:00.000-07:00

According to SalaryWizard.com, even though I bring home all the bacon, my lovely wife deserves to keep all the money and more!!! And that's based on conservative estimates of hours & no performance bonuses (which she deserves!).

A Sense of Wonder

2006-04-25T21:04:00.000-07:00

My boys love trains. To indulge them a little, this past weekend we took them to the Billy Jones Wildcat Railroad train and carousel rides at a nearby park. It was indeed quite spectacular to ride in a miniature train pulled by a real miniature steam engine built in 1905. My boys were quite mesmerized by it all. After the ride, we stayed near the train station to see other passengers get on and get off and observe the train engineers as they add oil and water to the engine. After the train ride, they rode on the big carousel which brought still more joy.

Of course the train and carousel rides don't fascinate me as much as they fascinate the boys, yet I still have lots of joy just seeing how much they enjoy the rides. My boys are still children thus they still have that wonderful sense of wonder and awe, whereas I've already outgrown these childish delights. To think that I used to work right across the street from that very park and would often jog around this park during my lunch hour. I often saw parents with young children riding the train and the carousel, but I never gave it a second thought. The carousel never fascinated me and I never understood why children like it so much. After all, it's just a fake horse that goes up and down, and the whole thing goes in circles. To top it off, they play that annoying loud music. I know, I know... I'm quite jaded. I grew up in a very impoverished environment and I never got to enjoy or delight in any toys. Wonder and awe were not familiar to me and I do feel I missed out on these during my early growing-up years. However, I'm living vicariously through my young children as they discover new things and take delight in the simplest things.

My children's sense of wonder brought to mind Ravi Zacharias's book Recapture the Wonder. The back cover description sums up the book well.

Deep within all of us is a longing to recapture a sense of wonder, to marvel at the mystery of God and His creation like we did as children. But through the years our capacity for wonder has been stifled by busyness and ambitions, and we have resigned ourselves to explaining away all that once made us gasp in awe. After all, how can we let our hearts believe what our minds tell us is nothing more than childish fantasy?

...Zacharias reveals that our heart's ultimate fulfillment - a life of purpose and meaning - is found in rediscovering and developing our God-given sense of wonder... Zacharias shows that we can not only recapture the innocent sense of wonder we once had, but we can experience wonder in its fullest capacity by yielding to God in awe-inspiring worship. No matter how weary or cynical we have become, we can allow our minds to embrace the deepest desires of our hearts and experience life as God intended it to be.

Even though my perspective is tainted, I'm reminded that I can still recapture that sense of wonder, and it is only through God that I can experience joy and delight. Instead of thinking it is mere childishness, I should have a childlike spirit and wonder in His presence.

Galatians 6:9 is for parents!

2006-04-25T12:20:00.000-07:00

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

Dear Lord, help us in our weakness, frailty and besetting sin to not quit. This parenting gig has been really tough. We do not have "easy" kids and we have a habit of also taking on "too much." Help us believe the promise of Gal. 6:9 and persevere in doing your will of parenting our children faithfully. Grant us wisdom for this daunting task. In Christ's name, Amen.

Reflecting on parenting: patience and giving

2006-04-20T12:03:00.000-07:00

This past week we celebrated the birthdays of our oldest two children, now 4 and 2 years old respectively. This has been a trying season for us as parents, with a new addition to our family (our adopted daughter from China, aged 14 months) and another girl to be born to us in just five weeks. A couple of thoughts come to mind as I reflect on the past few days.

On patience: As much as God has given our oldest child a joyful spirit, so too he has "inherited" my energetic personality. And though we've worked very hard to train and mold him, there remains much work. In other words, he can sometimes be very helpful, yet equally so he can be very unhelpful. And in this, we, his parents, have been tested. I've found myself on occasion feeling less than "in love with" this boy of ours—especially in his more selfish and/or self-centered moments.

More than once, though, I have been helped by thinking of the "gospel patience" of our God toward not only his enemies but his own adopted children. J.C. Ryle summed this up beautifully in his thoughts on John 13:1-5 (emphasis mine):

That He should bear with all their countless infirmities from conversion until death,—that He should never be tired of their endless inconsistencies and petty provocations,—that He should go on forgiving and forgetting incessantly, and never be provoked to cast them off and give them up,—all this is marvellous indeed! No mother watching over the waywardness of her feeble babe, in the days of its infancy [or childhood!], has her patience so thoroughly tried, as the patience of Christ is tried by Christians. Yet His longsuffering is infinite. His compassions are a well that is never exhausted.

Just when I'm at the end of myself and have lost patience and I'm about to tell my son that he doesn't deserve to receive all the blessings of being in this family, I recall that even today, I have done things which should merit my being cast out from the family of the redeemed! Ryle continues in that vein, and this helps me to re-orient my heart (to the gospel no less!):

This loving Saviour is One who delights to “receive sinners.” (Luke 15:2). Let no man be afraid of going on with Christ, after he has once come to Him and believed. Let him not fancy that Christ will cast him off because of failures and dismiss him into his former hopelessness on account of infirmities. ... Jesus will never reject any servant because of feeble service and weak performance. Those whom He receives He always keeps. Those whom He loves at first He loves at last.

And then my heart is strengthened by my Saviour's love. Not only to love my child but to show Him such love as Christ shows His own, so that my children may long to know Him as their Savior as well. After all, I am not merely called to try to order my children's behavior. More than that, I am to present to them by word and example Christ in such a way that they too might entrust their souls to Him.

On giving: We hadn't intended any particular birthday gifts for the boys, but managed to find some toys on clearance the day after Easter. Seeing the delight in my boys' faces upon receiving these simple gifts—and delighting in their delight—made me think that our Father too must take delight in giving gifts His children. Our Lord, I think, confirmed this idea when he said in Matthew 7:7-11:

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!

And again, I'm brought to the reality that everything I do as a parent is an opportunity to reveal the character of my Father in Heaven to my children and lead them to Him. What a kind and generous Father we have through our Lord Jesus Christ!

Happy Birthday Matthew!

2006-04-18T21:34:00.000-07:00

Dearest Matthew,

You turn four years old today. Your arrival as our first child less than a year after your Mommy and I got married was a bit of a shock. And as much as we prepared for your coming both in terms of practical baby care and parenting tips, these four years have been a roller coaster of unprecedented proportions in our lives. You are quite a handful, my dear boy. And yet, it comes to mind that the Lord has in mind not merely our happiness but our holiness. And in that vein, you have been much used in our lives. Where we might've trusted our own preparations or techniques in raising you, it quickly became clear that what we have needed most is the grace of Christ in our lives to raise you up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

These four years have been a whirlwind. We look forward with both anticipation and no small amount of leaning on God's grace. Happy birthday. I love you very much, my precious Matthew. I look forward to learning together with you of the riches of God's kindness, mercy and riches in Christ in the coming years.

Love,
Daddy

P.S. For our blog visitors who were unable to join our festivities this evening, here are couple of photos of our little birthday celebration.

Family Devotion

2006-04-13T17:11:00.000-07:00

Family devotion is an important part of our family life. It is our desire to instill this practice in our children's hearts and minds. I must admit that we had been very inconsistent since Matthew's birth. We saw the importance of it so we got the ball rolling, but eventually fatigue and exhaustion overwhelmed us which took us off the course. As time went on, we were reminded again of the value of family devotion so we started it again. So it went, on again and off again and so forth. As we add more children to our growing family, more work is involved and of course more excuses for not having family devotion. Recently we revisit this topic and are determined to get it going despite the fact we are about to have our fourth child in six weeks.

Thus far we have been doing a very simple family devotion right after dinner. We find this to be the best time for us. Everyone is still seated after dinner so no need to gather all the children around. My husband reads a chapter or two from the Bible and then concludes the time with a prayer. Our children are required to sit still and be quiet. As we all mature, both adults and children, we will add more to this valuable time. At this point, we will just have a simple Bible reading time followed by a prayer.

If you're unsure or are overwhelmed by the thought of starting a family devotion, take heart and start with something simple. Once you get this routine going, it is easy to maintain. I do look forward to the day where my children look to this time together with joy.

Happy Birthday Andrew!

2006-04-12T15:34:00.000-07:00

Our dear Andrew turns two today. I woke up this morning with a smile just thinking about him. It brought me back to two years ago when he was born. The labor pain was definitely there and I felt every contraction as no drugs were administered for the entire labor. All the grueling pain was worth it. He was the most beautiful looking baby when he finally came out. His face was rosy pink, no bruises, just perfect. Both Evers and I have been smitten by him ever since. He is such a blessing to us. As far as we can tell at this point, the Lord seems to have given him a gentle and kind disposition and a gift for music. We love his kisses, hugs, and snuggles. We are far beyond blessed. Happy birthday, my Andrew dear. I pray that the Lord will watch over your soul and that He will enable us to raise you in utmost godliness. May you one day be one of His.

A Mother's Job Description

2006-04-07T20:45:00.000-07:00

Ever since becoming a mother, I wear many different "hats." Among these are:

Chief Operating Officer: My husband is CEO, but I'm in charge of getting things done around the house. And directing all the "subordinates" herein.
Psychologist: When one of the kids is crying, I have to decipher what is going on, and it's especially hard when the kid is not at the talking stage.
Nurse: Those paper cuts can be darn nasty, not to mention those occasional falls.
Judge: When the kids argue, I'm the mediator. I have to decipher who is right and who is wrong and give a pronouncement.
Chief Cook or Chef: These kids don't grow from eating nothing. My duty invovles making food that tastes good, as well as making sure they are healthy.
Maid: How else will the house be kept clean and presentable?
Personal Assistant: I dress, bathe, and feed the kids. I also do all their shopping needs.
Chauffeur: Those little legs of theirs can't get far. Those errands to the mall, library, and other outings require a good 'o chauffer.
Food Supply: That Mama's milk is what made them thrive and gain lots of chubs for the first 15 months.
Hair Dresser: For the boys, I spray and comb their hair. For the girl, I spray, comb, and create a nice hairdo. For all, I cut and trim their hair on a regular basis.
Counselor: When they cry or get frustrated with each other or with a certain toy, a counselling session is neccessary.
Interpreter: Even though I have not mastered the language of baby talk nor obtained a degree in this field, I can often interpret for the non-verbal child with an accuracy rate of 90%.
Entertainer: My kids like to be amused so Mama is the entertainer and my repertoire includes singing, dancing, playing piano, jumping, kicking, and doing lots of wacky body maneuvers.
Teacher: Thus far I teach the following subjects: home economics, phonics, math, reading, and Bible.
Drill Sergeant: Who keeps the children in line? They need training and discipline.
Social Coordinator: I organize all play dates, meetings with friends, outings, etc.
Playmate: Someone has to be creative and come up with games and ideas to keep the little one interested.
Shepherd: Above all, I'm called to be shepherd of my children's souls.

The Purpose of Rain

2006-03-31T18:35:00.000-08:00

We had another raining day here in supposedly sunny California. This month has been a season of rain, which is very unusual. It seems like it never stops. While out on an errand this evening, as the rain poured and poured, Matthew asked "Mommy, why does it rain so much?" Before I could answer, he said, "Is it because God knows we have strawberry plants?" We planted some strawberries in our garden about a month ago but had not installed the drip hose for the water supply. I was told to manually water the strawberries for the time being. I have not even watered those plants at all for the past month because of the ample rain. In Matthew's mind, God supplies ample rain so we can grow strawberries!

This is really wonderful. We are so blessed -- our heart's desire is to instill in Matthew (and all his siblings) an understanding that God is sovereign and involved in every element of his creation. These are the seeds of faith in our faithful God in the years to come.

"When I Am Weak, Then I Am Strong"

2006-03-31T16:10:00.000-08:00

I've been enjoying listening to Bryan Chapell's sermons online. His sermons are very concise (about 20-25 minutes long) which is a plus because as a busy and very pregnant mother, I can only handle a little nugget at a time. He is a gifted speaker whose sermons are Christ-centered, clear, and inspirational. His sermon "When I Am Weak, Then I Am Strong: Facing Our Weaknesses in Order to Find Strength" ministered to me tremendously.

In this sermon, he speaks from 2 Corinthians 11, 12 about the Apostle Paul boasting in his own weakness as he faces the "super apostles" displaying their credentials. Chapell points out that Paul's premise is simple: if we are to be strong, we are to be weak. I usually do a double take when I see this statement because it is an odd statement. The natural inclination is to try to be stronger, not weaker, if our goal is to be strong. Yet, Paul urges his listeners to be weak.

I have never felt weaker than since I became a mother. God blessed us with two wonderful sons, and to be honest, they are not easy. I admit that I sometimes envy those with children who are more mellow than mine. I struggle day-to-day in how to channel their exuberant energy level. Then the Lord saw fit to move us to adopt a baby girl from China. In order to fit into this active family, God gave us a little girl whose active personality matches that of the boys. I'm outnumbered. Utterly defeated. Shortly thereafter, the Lord chose to bless us with another one who is currently in the womb (due in 8 weeks). I wonder what this baby will be like? With three very active children and a very tired pregnant body, my weakness is very apparent. I have nothing about which to boast. Many people, whether friends or strangers, are still in awe that we're about to have our fourth child. Most think I have a high energy level and a great deal of patience. I'm even labelled as a "super mom," one who can do it all. I shudder when I hear that label because I am not! Believe me, I am not. Again, I have nothing to boast about.

In Chapell's sermon, he goes on to say how important it is to know our own weakness:

Do you know the extent of your weakness as Paul does? Did you know you’re as weak and sinful as the next guy apart from the grace of God? Do you know that? You have to. Because until you know how weak or bad you are (or could be) you cannot truly be good, or used of God. Until you see the extent of your weakness (even an apostle’s!) you don’t know the value of the lesson that must come your way.

We don't just stop here. We don't claim anything just by knowing our own weakness even though this is the first step.

Paul wants us to know our weakness so we will know grace. To know first of all that it’s sufficient in itself... You are sufficient only in His grace. You may have an easy time or hard. You may be very gifted or not. But it is not what we offer up to God that makes us sufficient.You are sufficient only if you rest in Him. He looks at you as bathed in the blood of His own Son, the character & life-giving blood of His Son and that is sufficient.

Remember what he says at end of verse 9: “I will boast about my weakness so Christ’s power may rest in me.” The wonderful truth is we rest on Christ alone and His power rests on us. Are you relying on his strength? Ask yourself if you need to confess: if God is really your strength, why have you run past him so often when you try to serve Him? In all those times you use your gifts, talents and never stop to say to God, “Fill me.” We say, “Lord make me a mighty warrior, fortress, etc.” And that’s not wrong in itself, but that prayer must be preceded by, “Lord, make me know how weak or frail I am. Do in my life what you must. That I might know the process & purpose of my weakness. That I might know your grace is sufficient, your strength perfected in my weakness. Only when I’m weak, then I am strong. Lord teach me, when I am weak, only then I am strong.”

Let us then be reminded that it is on Christ, and Christ alone that we lean and draw strength from. Our weakness displays the strength of God, and only through his grace can we find rest. Like I said, this is a short sermon, and if you have 20-25 minutes to spare, listen to this teaching and be encouraged.

Book Review: Homeschooling Methods

2006-03-26T20:30:00.000-08:00

I received a complimentary copy of the Homeschooling Methods book for review. The book is edited by Gena and Paul Suarez, publishers of The Old Schoolhouse homeschooling magazine. The purpose of this book is to examine various popular homeschooling methods such as:

Classical Education
Principle Approach
Traditional Textbook
Charlotte Mason
Unit Study
Special Needs
Carschooling
Eclectic
Unschooling or Delight Directed Studies
Whole-Heart Learning

The layout for each method is as follows:

A chapter that presents a short summary or an overview
A chapter written by a major proponent of the method discussing the theoretic aspect
A chapter written by another proponent of the method discussing the practical or the "how-to" aspect

I think this is a wonderful book for those who are searching for the right homeschooling approach for their family. Many of the contributers are veteran homeschooling parents so their writings not only encompass the description of the technique but also their candid homeschooling experience. I recommend this book to anyone who is interested in homeschooling. It should prove especially those who are a bit confused as to what method or technique is the right one for their family.

The Love of God

2006-03-19T20:12:00.000-08:00

We sang the song "The Love of God" at church this morning, and it is one of my favorite hymns. I haven't played this song for a long time since I no longer have the music sheet. I sure miss it. The lyrics are as follow:

The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell;
It goes beyond the highest star,
And reaches to the lowest hell;
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave His Son to win;
His erring child He reconciled,
And pardoned from his sin.

When hoary time shall pass away,
And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall,
When men who here refuse to pray,
On rocks and hillls and mountains call,
God's love so sure, shall still endure,
All measureless and strong;
Redeeming grace to Adam's race
The saints' and angels' song

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky

Refrain:
O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints' and angels' song

This song is very poetic and it speaks volumes about God's love.

Review: "Messengers of Faith" Talking Doll

2006-03-12T21:00:00.000-08:00

We received a complimentary Jesus doll from one2believe to review. Currently there are four talking dolls available: Jesus, Moses, David, and Mary. These 12" tall dolls are fully articulated and each has a button in the back which you can push to hear a voice talk. The Jesus doll includes six scriptures for memorization purposes. The dolls are advertised as such:

Messengers of Faith really helps children learn. By appealing to all of their senses, children memorize Scripture and Bible stories via:

a. Auditory Learning (learning by what we hear)
b. Visual Learning (learning by what we see)
c. Kinesthetic Learning (learning by what we physically feel)

Together, all these features make learning about the Bible and its history fun for children of all ages.

What was our experience? Upon receipt of the Jesus doll for review, my children were excited and enjoyed pushing the button in the back to initiate the talking feature. They also liked playing with the doll by bending the arms and legs and twisting different joints. My son even took the doll outside to ride in his little tractor. However, the novelty quick wore off and the Jesus doll got tossed to the floor with the rest of the toys. After observing this, I felt uncomfortable that "Jesus" got played with and then got tossed to the side. I can't scold or blame my kids for this type of regular play because, after all, it is a doll. Yet it concerns me because it is a doll which attempts to portray the Lord Jesus Christ.

While the intention of the creator of this doll is good in helping children learn scripture verses, my own sense is that it is not a very good medium. The doll only comes with six scriptures which is a good start for children, but how does one move beyond this to encourage more scripture memorization?

For home/private use, I'm inclined to give a gentle thumbs-down to this doll, especially the Jesus doll. Perhaps in a children's bible class or similar teaching environment, it would make a useful tool. Frankly, though, even though the maker is well-intentioned, I'm not convinced that a Jesus talking action figure really adds much to the conveyance of the gospel or Bible memorization. A few verses and a story booklet fall far short of crucial interactive dialogue about the message of sin and salvation and add little practical value (or at least less than the well-meaning marketing message would have you believe).

As a sidenote, to provide a constructive alternative, we highly recommend that parents help their children memorize Scripture (without props). Evers has been working with Matthew with great success using the Foundation Verses resources from Desiring God. After a month, Matthew's now memorized seven verses and working on #8.

The Importance of Talking to Our Children

2006-03-10T16:29:00.000-08:00

People began commenting about how smart or how big a vocabulary my son had even at a tender age of 2 or 2 1/2. He's approaching four now and I still get comments like that. Why do people say my kid is so smart? Why are they even shocked whenever they hear him talk?

I strongly believe it is because we do one simple thing: we talk to him! Whenever he has a question, we do our best to answer him even though the explanation may be well beyond his years. He often wants to know what roads or highways to take whenever we go out. I just tell it to him like I would tell someone who needs directions. For example, I say, "We turn right onto Landess Ave. which becomes Montague Expressway. We keep going straight until we hit Highway 880 and then take the southbound direction to go to Costco. We exit Coleman, then turn right, and Costco is on our left." Yes, this sounds a bit excessive, but he's actually grown accustomed to picking up a lot of information. In addition, I believe explaining things to my children is a good habit for me to develop even when the explanation is over their heads. What often surprises me is that they learn lot quicker than I realize.

My parents took my son to Costco a while ago and on the way back, my son told my Dad exactly which roads and highway to take. My parents were shocked! How did this little 3 yr old know which roads to take? It's simple. We told him, and he remembered.

When Matthew was three, I noticed some residue in his bathtub while he was bathing. Puzzled, I said out loud, "What is this gunk?" Of course this was a rhetorical question so no answer was expected. However, my son answered and said, "I think they are algae, probably." Algae?? He knew what algae was? The truth was, I think he was probably right because I realized the gunk or the residue came from his bath toys. We hadn't washed those toys for a while so most likely algae or perhaps mildew formed inside some of them. The point is, the reason he knew what algae was because we keep a fish aquarium, and whenever my husband cleaned it, he explained the whole process to my son by telling him that there was algae inside the tank that needed to be scrubbed away. Learning is something that can -- and most often does -- happen outside of a classroom or formal teaching environment.

We also don't do baby talk such as "Oh, you have an owie? Let me kissy kissy it." Talking baby talk doesn't encourage good language skills. Instead of talking down to them, have them learn how to speak properly like we do.

I also realize that there's a tendency for adults to answer their kids in such matter: "Oh, you're too young to understand. Anyway, this is the way it is, and that's that." Kids by nature are curious and when they ask questions, they really want to know. So feed on that curiosity by giving them information. This isn't rocket science. It doesn't require you to have a doctroal degree, or have a formal instructional class with your child, or send them to someone else to learn. Just speak to them and tell them what you are doing. By doing so, you are providing an enriched environment which enhances language development.

Raising a Frugal Kid

2006-03-08T11:22:00.000-08:00

I find it so amusing that my four year old has adopted our tendency for frugality. How do I know? Check out a few examples:

Whenever we pass by a gas station, he reads the gas price and then says, "Wow. . . that's so much!"
When we were at the store the other day, he found a kid size shopping cart and pushed it around pretending to shop. When he showed it to me, I asked where he got that. He said, "I got it on sale, Mommy."
While at the store, he asked if he could go to the toy section. I told him that I wasn't going to buy any toys. He said to me, "That's ok, Mommy, I just want to look at it." Ha. . . .ha. . . ha. . . my usual saying of "It's free for the looking." has finally lodged in his brain. I'm also very glad that he doesn't think he can get whatever he wants at the store. I've seen way too many kids pitch a fit when their parents refuse to buy them toys. I'm happy to say that after we were finished shopping, he left contentedly without crying or whining.
There were times when he asked if I could buy him something. After looking at the price, I told him that it was too expensive so we weren't going to buy it. He was fine with that decision every time.

My husband says this is actually a good thing, since as a kid he really failed to appreciate the value of money and as a result was something of a spendthrift until he got out of college. But that's a more serious topic for another post. Let's just enjoy the silliness of a near-4yo boy eavesdropping on his parents' frugality.

Saying "I Don't Know"

2006-03-07T22:35:00.000-08:00

Parents, when your kids ask you a question that you don't know the answer to, what do you normally do?

Say "I don't know"
Make something up
Ignore the question

In our house, we say "I don't know." However, I usually don't stop there, I follow up with "Hunny, I don't know but when Daddy gets home, let's ask him." If Daddy doesn't know, we'll do our best to find the answer and if this fails, then we simply say, "We really don't know."

Why do I bring this up? I've seen parents fumbling through words trying to come up with an answer so that they may not seem weak in front of their children. I've also been the recipient of the ignore-the-question tactic.

Years ago I read an article that contained two medical terminologies that I didn't know. I really wanted to know what these two terms meant so I asked my youth group advisor who was a father and an elder. He ignored me as if he didn't even hear the question. I sat there dumbfounded. I gave him the benefit of doubt, so I asked again. Same thing happened. This time I simply didn't understand why he didn't answer me. As persistent as I was, I followed him all evening and finally at the end of our youth group meeting, I asked again. Well, this time I had his attention. He turned to me and in an exasperated and raised tone said, "Lois, why do you keep asking me this question? I don't know the answer!" I didn't know what to say. I just left the conversation.

This had a very lasting impression on me. I still remember this incident to this day. Had he answered me with an "I don't know" right from the start, I would have been satisfied and wouldn't pursue him with the same question all night long. I believe he didn't want to appear dumb and thought that he could shoot me off by ignoring me.

I did learn from this experience. I've learned to say "I don't know" when I really don't know. I want to be honest with my children. There is really no sense in trying to fabricate or ignore. I don't believe my children think I'm dumb for not knowing or feel a sense of disappointment. In fact, my almost four year old recently taught me something that I didn't know.

About a week ago when Matthew and I were reading a book, we came across pictures of rams, goats, sheeps, and other animals. When he saw the ram, he told me that a ram is a male sheep. I said, "Really? I didn't know that. Thank you for telling me!" I then gave him a kiss and a hug. Now, do I appear to be a dork to him? I don't think so. Did I puff up his ego? Nope. He didn't really react to it. We simply moved on to the next page.

All in all, let's be honest with our children about our imperfection. If we want them to learn godly humility, we have to start with ourselves.

Brain Pause

2006-03-07T16:26:00.000-08:00

I'm in my third trimester now and the so called "pregnancy brain" (This is my term. Not sure if anyone uses this too) has once again invaded my body. What is the "pregnancy brain" you ask? It's a state of mind where one forgets the simplest thing and cannot express oneself at all. The best tactic is to point like a lunatic and hope your audience comprehends. This currently describes my state of mind, or lack or it.

Just this morning when I wanted my husband to open the dish washer, I said, "Hunny, can you open that thingie?" He then piped in and said, "It's called a dish washer." What a revelation! Oh yeah, it's a dish washer. Yes, "thingie" is a word!!! I insist, and it's an universal word. It can be used for almost anything. Even though it's not the most eloquent word, it works!

Can you be cured of this "pregnancy brain"? Yes. The prognosis is good but the symptoms will last throughout the entire pregnancy. Recovery takes anywhere from three to nine months or more, and it also depends on when the baby starts to sleep through the night.

Reflecting back to my previous pregnancies, sometimes I see a little glimpse of hope. During my last pregnancy, all of sudden during a conversation with my husband, I used a big SAT word, "ubiquitous," it almost knocked his socks off. Yes, he knew the meaning of the word, but just wasn't expecting me to use it since most of my vocabularies comprised of "thingie." See. . . . my college education is worth something. . . . after all, neurobiology was part of my major.

Even though I'm poking fun of myself, it does get frustrating sometimes not being able to express myself. Through it all, God is gracious and He enables me to carry on each day to serve my family. My three kiddoes are well fed, clothed though PJs are considered both daytime and nighttime apparel now, and most importantly, they are well loved.

Hail and snow in San Jose!

2006-03-04T17:03:00.000-08:00

Kinda cool... yesterday afternoon we had a very heavy hailstorm. Hail came down about that was about 1/8 to 1/4" in diameter. Here's a photo of our back porch:

Needless to say, this is not typical weather for "sunny" Northern California.

On top of that, when we awoke this morning, we saw that a number of the nearby mountains had snow covering. It was especially "heavy" (relatively speaking) on top of Mt. Hamilton, home to the Lick Observatory. So we tried to drive up there, but alas, they'd closed the road up the mountain to prevent a massive traffic jam of other snow-lookers. The best we could do was get this photo of the observatory from the closure point about 11 miles from the top (by road):

Very pretty sight, especially for those of us who don't get to see snow-capped mountains in their locality often.

Avoiding legalism in the home

2006-03-03T16:18:00.000-08:00

Tim Challies has been live-blogging the annual Shepherd's Conference at Grace Community Church in Sun Valley, CA.

He posted a summary of a message by Carey Hardy titled "How to Raise a Pharisee: Avoiding legalism in the home." I highly recommend it, and it's fairly short. To state the obvious, Hardy's message is directed to help parents not raise their children to be legalists.

Awesome Audio Resources - FREE!

2006-03-02T23:15:00.000-08:00

I recently discovered Monergism's audio resources site where you can download free sermons (mp3 format) preached by many gifted preachers such as John Piper, John MacArthur, D.A. Carson, R.C. Sproul, Bryan Chapell, Alistair Begg, C.J. Mahaney, Martyn Lloyd-Jones, etc.

I typically listen to these sermons either with the kids during our sermon time or by myself after they have gone to bed.

Daddy Rocks (Part 2)

2006-03-02T09:02:00.000-08:00

While sitting next to me, Matthew played the Spell Time game and was able to spell a whole sheet of words all by himself without any assistance from me. After declaring his completion, I exclaimed in excitement because he was able to do it on his own and that he did it in a very short amount of time. I said, "Hunny, that's great! That's really awesome!" In the spirit of my husband's previous post, I said, "Matthew, you rock!" Immediately he replied, "No!! Daddy rocks!" Hilarious! Now I just have to indoctrinate my son to say that mommy rocks!

My Little Helper

2006-02-28T15:28:00.000-08:00

I have to say that I'm very proud of my four year old son because he has come a long way toward becoming a good helper to me and to his Daddy as well. He's still not a perfect helper as he is a young apprentice in training. I just adore his willing spirit to help around the house.

Recently he and his Daddy began a dishwashing routine after dinner every night. Daddy washes and Matthew rinses and stacks them on the dish rack. I am quite amazed that he can do this job well, notwithstanding the occasional water play while on the job.

Several weeks ago when his Daddy mowed the lawn, he also wanted to help. Together, father and son pushed the lawn mower and mowed the front and back lawns. It was so endearing to me to see Matthew's beaming face, knowing that he can be a help to his big Daddy.

Whenever I make scrambled eggs, pancakes, muffins, or waffles, he asks, "Mommy, may I help you?" How can I say no to such a cordial request? I usually have him take out the ingredients or the utensils. He then pushes a chair or a stool against the counter to stand on. As I add each ingredient into the mixing bowl, he uses his favorite whisk to mix the batter. Of course when we first started this routine his "help" was no help at all. Most of the time the ingredients land outside of the bowl or the batter spills out as a result of his carelessness. It naturally took longer to make anything. His unskillful hands did not deter me from having him help out because I see it as a training session. I want him to be a good helper and no one can be a good helper right off the bat. More importantly, I never want to squash his willing spirit. As I reflect on our earlier days, I realize that he's a real help to me nowadays. The last time I made waffles, I genuinely thought he was a great help. Yes, there are still occasional spills and mess, but he has greatly improved. He sure can mix that batter well. I am so proud of this boy.

Recently I took him to the store to buy a broom and dust pan that's more suitable for his size. Even though I haven't taught him how to properly sweep the floor, I see him grabbing the broom when he sees a mess. He revels in this new chore. I just need to take some time to teach him how to do a good job.

As for laundry, he helps me transfer clothes from the washer to the dryer, and then from the dryer to the basket. Afterwards he helps to sort clothes into four different piles: one for each person. He also helps me stack cloth diapers and fold some clothes.

I think it's very important to teach children to help out and do chores. Too often I hear parents say their older kids don't help out and the mom still does everything around the house. However, when asked if they ever trained their kids while they were young, almost all replied that they thought it was more efficient for the parents to do everything than to have their little ones help out. Yes, it's true that it's more cumbersome early on, but you'll need to invest time and energy in your children to teach them and guide them so that they become good helpers.

Many people around me are still in awe that I'm about to have my fourth child. They just cannot imagine the amount of work I have to do to keep up with four little ones. What they fail to see is that as each child grows, our goal is that he/she becomes a contributor to the family rather than simply a consumer. Why? Because we firmly believe that if we don't teach our children to help out early on, they will continue to be a consumers instead of contributing members of the family at any age.

Second-Hand Learning

2006-02-27T21:35:00.000-08:00

My almost 4 yr old loves to spell words now. Whenever we're in the car, he likes to ask me how to spell out objects he sees along the road. We passed by a gas station this evening on the way to dinner, and he asked me how to spell GAS. He actually knows, but as always, he likes to goof around and say it's spelled as GS. I reminded him that he's missing a vowel in the middle. All of sudden he blanked. . . . . vowel? What vowel? He had learned his vowels early on so he may have forgotten. As in the past, I sang a modified Old MacDonald song to help him learn the vowels (Old MacDonald had a farm, A-E-I-O-U, etc). To remind him of his vowels, I started singing the song with "Old MacDonald had a farm. . . . . . " and waited for him to finish the rest. There's silence.

A couple of seconds later, out of nowhere, his younger brother piped in with a very soft voice and sang the rest "A-E-I-O-U." I was so shocked! He knew that? He's not even two yet!! He actually said "A-E-I-O-U" very clearly. I was so impressed. This boy of mine doesn't even talk yet, just words here and there. He is my more musically inclined child so when I heard him say the vowels tonight, I was truly surprised and impressed. Because he's younger, I have not been intentional in formally instructing him. However, he sees and hears his bigger brother do school on a daily basis so he picks these up without me knowing. This is what I call second-hand learning. I just love it.

Exciting and humbling: my son thinks the world of me

2006-02-24T23:23:00.000-08:00

Last night, Matthew asked me how come I was able to do something. I can't remember what it was, but it was something he didn't yet know how to do.

I said with a grin and with enthusiasm, "Cuz I ROCK!"

And he came right back, "You DO rock!!!"

That totally surprised me, though it shouldn't. This nearly four year old boy, as my wife often says, sounds JUST LIKE US! And he thinks his daddy "rocks," which, I think, is how it should be.

May I continue to merit such praise in the coming years. I love how much he adores me and looks up to me and it makes me long all the more to model for him godly humility and loving faithfulness as a father and husband.

Quality vs. Quantity Time

2006-02-24T23:18:00.000-08:00

A friend and I discussed the topic of quality vs. quantity time when it comes to spending time with your children. We often hear, "It's the quality, not the quantity that counts." When I was younger, this made a lot of sense to me. Well, now I'm older and a mother of three, soon to be four young children. And I now seriously question the validity of this saying.

When it comes to spending time with children, it is really about quantity and quality. They want to know and feel that you are there for them. Every moment counts, even when that moment seems so banal or unimportant. Why? Because quality time is most likely to happen when you spend quantity time with your children. You can't schedule in "quality" time with children. It is often during the most mundane occurrences that the most fruitful conversation comes about.

For example, this evening our whole family went out to run an errand. On the way back, we decided to buy the boys some cookies as a treat, and as Evers was dispensing the cookies, the following conversation occurred:

Evers: "Matthew, I'm going to give Andrew a cookie first. Are you ok with that?"
Matthew: "Yes. That is like being a gentleman."
Evers: "That's right. You're being a gentleman in letting Andrew have the first cookie. What's more important is, you're being loving."

Where did this concept of being a gentleman come into Matthew's mind? Well, we'd just come out of Target store (where we bought the cookies). This store had two levels, so we took the elevator to go from one to the other. We each were pushing a shopping cart (three kids split up) and there was another family with a cart in the elevator with us. When we arrived at the destination floor, after I exited (closest to the door), Evers (with Matthew in cart) invited the other family to exit first and then followed. Matthew then asked him why he did that: it made more sense in his mind for both of our carts to exit together followed by the other family (that had entered last). Evers simply said that that was the gentlemanly thing to do: to prefer others and to let them go first, whether in pushing a cart or not trying to rush past people on foot (as Matthew often does).

It's amazing what can transpire and how much children can glean from such simple interactions if we are intentional. But opportunities like this only happen if we make the time for them. To be blunt, I really believe that if we were typical of so many American dual-income families, where weeknights were spent eating late dinners and putting kids down, we wouldn't have the opportunities that we have with our current family setup. For which we praise God.

To all you parents reading this blog: please don't take this as reproof or judgment. Rather, consider it encouragement to make time. No Olympic athlete ever argued that it's quality practice that matters not quantity. It's a false dichotomy. Both quality and quantity are essential to the making of an athlete, and both are essential to the forming of a godly generation.

"Lois is my hero!"

2006-02-22T15:53:00.000-08:00

My wife is amazing. So many other friends (esp. other moms) have said that Lois is their "hero" for her perseverance during this difficult season of life. Yet what I see as her husband is how much she strives to be faithful to the Lord even when she herself is weary. This has been an unbelievably challenging time for her with 3 young children and entering her last trimester carrying our fourth child. That she offers to open our home to others in hospitality (as she just did a few moments ago) for building them up in Christ is a credit to the grace of God in her. I was reminded today of an old Twila Paris classic which seems to describe my beloved so well:

The Warrior Is A Child

Lately I've been winning battles left and right,
But even winners can get wounded in the fight.
People say that I'm amazing, strong beyond my years,
But they don't see inside of me, I'm hiding all the tears.

Chorus:
They don't know that I go running home when I fall down.
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around.
I drop my sword and cry for just a while,
'Cause deep inside this armor, the warrior is a child.

Unafraid because His armor is the best.
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest.
People say that I'm amazing, never face retreat.
But they don't see the enemies that lay me at His feet.
(chorus)

I drop my sword and look up for His smile
Because deep inside this armour
Deep inside this armour
Deep inside this armour
The warrior is a child.

©1984 Singspiration Music

My prayer for her today, and each day, will be from Numbers 6:24-26:

The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you;
the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.

Trusting in Diets Instead of God

2006-02-17T22:01:00.000-08:00

In the area where I live, it seems that people are becoming more and more health conscious. Note that I live in California, which is already a relative "health mecca," so I'm speaking of even more radical lifestyles.

Now, at face value, I believe this is a good thing. Yet more and more often—even among Christians—I hear of and meet people who think that if they can just eat a certain diet or do a certain exercise regimen, they will be cancer free, have better quality of life, live longer, etc. While this isn't entirely false, it is fundamentally flawed because ultimately it is God who grants us life each day, in sickness or in health. Again, I am not against eating better or exercising more as a generally wise and responsible way to live. But what I often see, and I am speaking of Christians, is people placing trust in their diet & exercise habits instead of in God. This seems the exact opposite of the spirit of Psalm 20:7:

Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.

The psalmist writes of his expectation to be victorious in battle but makes it very clear that his expectation and trust are in God alone to achieve that victory on their behalf. That doesn't mean he throws away his weaponry or sends his horses home. But his expectation of victory—and where we ought to put any of our hope for good health—is in the merciful hand of our God.

I know several cancer survivors who have become so health conscious that their devotion to their diet plan effectively makes it their god. I know they don't realize this but the way they live their lives reflect that. We know a dear friend who is a cancer survivor and has been cancer-free for some time now. When critized by another cancer survivor for having a little sugar in her coffee, she responded with: "God is the one who healed me not because I have a sugar free diet." I was very encouraged by that because not a lot of people have this perspective. Indeed, it is God who heals, not because we eliminate all sugar and carbohydrates, eat organic food only, have a salad only diet, or ingest a daily truckload of vitamins. In the pursuit of faithful stewardship of our bodies, we must not forget this truth: God is sovereign and He is in control. Let us give thanks to Him who each day mercifully gives us breath. We must never come to a point that we credit our diet for giving us even one more day of life.

One last point: probably the greatest danger of the above thinking on diet & exercise is that our chief end in life rather than "living a life worthy of the gospel" becomes "living a life that is healthful and long." And that would be a crying shame, for God has not called us to the hope of a healthful life, but "that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life" (Titus 3:7). Let us pray with missionary/martyr Jim Elliott who wrote in one of his journals:

God, I pray Thee, light these idle sticks of my life and may I burn for Thee. Consume my life, my God, for it is Thine. I seek not a long life, but a full one, like you, Lord Jesus.

Three Young Children = Great Restaurant Service

2006-02-17T20:51:00.000-08:00

We all trekked out this evening to a favorite Chinese restaurant of ours. We frequently ate at this restaurant on a regular basis even before we had any kids so the waitresses there know us well. Whenever we dine there, we get the familiar greeting of, "Hi, nice to see you again" or "Haven't seen you for a while!"

Our family size has increased over the past five years from just the two of us to three kids and one in my womb. We have finally reached a point where we get looks and comments from people. They were all quite surprised to see our three young kids there, and with one look at me with my bulging belly, they gasped again. Another one?! Four?! Yup! I'm beginning to get used to these kinds of comments nowadays:

Wow, you must be tired.
You sure have your hands full.
So, you're having a fourth one?
You will have four so you shouldn't have any more. Four is "just right!"
Certainly you're not going to have another one after the fourth, are you?
How old are your kids again?
Do you have a nanny?
Surely you must have another helper with so many kids.

Normally I'd be annoyed with these comments but I wasn't at all tonight. Rather, I found it amusing. It was especially amusing as we became the spectacle of the entire restaurant staff, since we had dinner before the regular rush hour. Many waitresses stopped by at least once to comment and say how cute our kids are. I even noticed that some customers came by to look at our family. We even ended up getting great service from the waitresses because a different one wandered by every five minutes or so. It was interesting to us that they'd often just stand next to our table and look at us and comment—sometimes to us and sometimes to one another. All of them seemed to be in disbelief. We didn't mind it this time because our dining needs were taken care of about every five minutes. "Oh, you want more rice? I'll get you more of that." They also quickly cleared away any empty plates. They even cautioned us when our son's booster seat began to slip off the chair. (As a sidenote, all of the children were quite well behaved; which I'm sure made a good impression on the staff, which might otherwise have been very critical rather than curious.)

We live in a very affluent area and most people have one or at most two kids. This is especially prevalent in our Chinese community. We realize that we're quite counter-cultural in this area which is why we were so "popular" tonight. The comment "You sure have your hands full!" has become so ubiquitous that I normally just nod my head. Inwardly, though, I don't really like this remark and have wished for a better or witty response. A blogger I recently read has a great response to this: "Yes, and my heart is full as well." I like this. I think I'll try this next time. Even though it is hard to care for three little ones and soon to be four, my heart is full. One look at God's many blessings to us, my heart just melts. At the very least, I always have lots of amusing stories to tell each day. Somehow in the midst of distress and discouragement, one of my kids is always able to make me laugh, whether on purpose or not. Why would I trade that for anything?

Emmaline's one year photos

2006-02-17T10:18:00.000-08:00

Some lovely photos we took to celebrate her first birthday...

Being Honest with Our Children

2006-02-13T07:32:00.000-08:00

One of the irksome things that some parents do when they want children to listen is to lie to them. Here are some examples:

Oh look! You just broke this so you can't play with this anymore (when toy is not broken, but parent simply wants child to stop playing).
Sweetie, don't go over there or else some really bad people will snatch you away.
I'll buy you this toy for Christmas, let's just go home now (assuming they'll forget).
If you don't come with me right now, I won't love you anymore.

The truth is, it's easier to lie to them than to say no to them. I was actually told on several occasions to lie to my kids so to save myself the time and energy in disciplining them when they don't obey. After all, my kids are young and what do they know? They won't know that you lied. It is lot quicker to get them to listen.

Evers and I don't lie to our children. We tell it as it is. A "no" is a "no" and if the child cannot accept it, then correction is needed. No bribing, no lying, no coercing. Why don't we take the easier route? First off, we believe lying to our children is wrong even when it is a little lie.

Second, we believe that God placed us parents as authorities over our children. This means we have God's blessing to exercise our authority over them. Lest someone misunderstand this, this doesn't mean we are cruel when exercising our authority. Let's be reminded of Ephesians 6:4 "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." Our authority over our children is to be exercised with the most humble and servant-hearted love.

Lastly, we want to develop a lasting and meaningful relationship with our children. Lying to them will only sabotage this trust relationship. Too often adults underestimate a child's ability to understand. They know very quickly that what you said isn't true and eventually they learn not to trust you anymore. Think about your children's future as well. Will they have lifelong emotional scars from constant (or even occasional) dishonesty from you? Once you start lying to get children to obey, it is not easy to stop, and eventually you develop a habit to keep it up. You may think lifelong emotional scars is a bit farfetched. It is not. I know people who are still scarred from this parenting technique and can still remember every single incident.

What then? Rather than invent lies to manipulate (is there any better word?) our children, let us instead be frank and firm with them. Our goal is not simply getting them to behave in a certain fashion, but to mold their character and shepherd their souls. I think speaking the truth in love is a good place to start.

Adopting and Rearing Children is Painful

2006-02-09T13:36:00.000-08:00

We have discovered that it is not easy to adopt a child, nor to rear children, biological or adopted. Not only in helping our daughter Emmie adjust to us (which she has done ably) but in our adjusting to her!

So why do it? And how to do it? To exalt and exult in the suffiency of God's grace.

To quote John Piper, who with his wife Noël, has adopted a girl in addition to their four biological sons, from a sermon on adoption:

We dare only adopt children if we have a firm faith in the all-sufficiency of God’s future grace.

The pain of adopting and rearing children is sure. It will come in one form or the other. Should that stop us from having children or adopting children? No. The self-centered world “cuts their losses” by having few or no children. (And there is way too much of that thinking in the church.) In one sense we may be very glad that such people don’t tend to have children or at least not many children. Because it means that breed of selfish person will die out more quickly since they don’t replace themselves. But on the other hand, we grieve, hoping that they will see that the grace of God is sufficient for every new day no matter how difficult, and that there is more true joy in walking with God through fire, than walking on beaches without him.

What a wonderfully poetic way of putting it, that "there is more true joy in walking with God through fire, than walking on beaches without him."

My wife is amazing

2006-02-07T15:11:00.000-08:00

Six months pregnant, caring for three children under 4 years old, she somehow managed to clean our kitchen to the point of that I almost didn't recognize the place. So much junk had accumulated over months on the kitchen table & countertops... yet when I got home yesterday from the office, everything was so perfectly clean and organized that I was in shock.

As heavy a burden as being a homeschooling stay-at-home expecting mother has been—both physically and emotionally—this was no small task.

Thank you, my dear. You amaze and humble me.

The Gospel According to (Our) Matthew

2006-02-03T21:27:00.000-08:00

An amusing tidbit and then something more serious...

We've previously noted that (almost-four-year-old) Matthew has been learning some of the worship hymns that we enjoy. I sing to him every night and he's eventually caught on. One of his favorites is Before the Throne of God Above. He's more or less mastered the first stanza, so he's now trying to put the second to memory. The second half—which is a perfect statement of the gospel—goes:

Because the sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free;
For God the just is satisfied,
To look on him and pardon me.

Well, leave it to the active but vocabulary-limited mind of a 3+ year old to come up with a variant on this portion of the song that actually has amusing theological implications (don't worry, we'll correct him sooner or later):

Because of sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted three;
For God the just is satisfied,
To look on him and part of me.

When I heard this I started cracking up, realizing that the last line is actually the (bad) theological understanding of many false gospels which require works of men to gain approval before God. 'Twas amusing. I'll correct him soon enough...

On a more serious note, this evening, as I was tucking him into bed, I noticed underneath his bed an array of papers. Apparently, he'd covertly taken a perfectly usable small notepad and pulled every sheet off the pad (leaving a number of blank sheets in a mess). Now, this whole day, he's had a rather poor attitude, so my first instinct was to raise my voice and demand to know why he'd done so obviously a foolish thing (he knows it's not his to mess with and he's got a bad habit of messing with things). But—by God's grace—I restrained that initial response and bought some time by calmly telling him to collect the papers up neatly and give them to me.

In the meantime, I sat down on the floor. After he collected the papers, he sat on the bed watching and awaiting my reaction. I knew full well the reason he'd taken apart the notepad: his sinful and fallen nature prefers to do things that are "fun" irrespective of others, including their property. To merely rebuke him for doing it was pointless and even counterproductive: as parents, our job is not to be mere legalists, requiring perfection of our children; but evangelists and heart-shepherds, leading our children to see their need for Christ.

So instead of asking why he'd done it, I told him why: "Do you know what this means? The fact that you took apart mommy's notepad, knowing full well it was against her wishes, shows the wickedness of your heart. You did a wicked thing because you have a wicked heart."

Now, we've just begun memorizing memory verses together, and he'd just memorized Psalm 1:6, which reads, "For the Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish." So we'd actually talked about what the word "wicked" meant last night and I'd told him that he had a wicked heart, as did all men, apart from Jesus giving them a new heart.

So when I said this, he immediately said, "You have a wicked heart too, Daddy." Not maliciously or with ill will, but as a matter of fact.

So I responded, "Actually, Matthew, I don't. I had a wicked heart, but Jesus has given me a new heart—a heart to love Him and obey Him and love others."

He thought about that a moment and said, "I want a new heart too."

After that, I took a few moments to attempt to convey the real meaning of having a new heart. In other words, it's not like getting new shoes, simply something you acquire with the right amount of asking or money. It's something God gives in the context of conviction of sin and repentance and faith. Mostly, I just told Matthew that I too want him to have a new heart, but it's not as simply as simply wanting a new heart; but also him coming to feel horrible about the wickedness of his current heart. Then, in closing, I prayed that God would give him a new heart—something I pray for him nearly every day—that would hate evil and sin and wicked things, and love Christ.

If you have a moment, I welcome your prayers on his behalf as well. I give thanks to the Lord for helping me tonight not to preach legalism but the gospel of hope.

Great resource on gospel-motivated feminine modesty

2006-01-30T10:33:00.000-08:00

I finally got around to listening to another of the messages that C.J. and Carolyn Mahaney gave at the 2005 Men's and Women's Conference of the Bible Church of Little Rock.

This one is titled "The Soul of Modesty" and is a terrific and helpful exposition of Scripture addressing the subject of feminine modesty. However, lest you misunderstand modesty to mean "prudeness" or "unattractive dress," let me commend you to listen to this message, which instead defines modesty in a gospel-centered rather than fashion-centered way. In other words, C.J. is not interested in having you all dress as if you lived on the set of Little House on the Prairie. Instead, the goal is to dress as women mindful of the gospel, both in relationship to other believers as well as the lost. The message was especially helpful to me as a father of a daughter (soon to be two!) and thinking about how to help them in this area in the future.

If you're short on time, a brief summary of the points made in the message can be found on the Sovereign Grace Ministries site. Nevertheless, I'd encourage you to make the time (about an hour) to hear C.J. deliver this humble and powerful sermon.

Note: C.J. makes reference to a helpful two-sheet guide called a "Modesty Heart Check" written by his wife Carolyn and their three daughters. You can download that from the same site.

UPDATE: The audio & SGM links have been updated.

What Makes a Homeschool Christian in Nature?

2006-01-18T13:28:00.000-08:00

I received a question from Evers's brother regarding the classical education information I provided in the below post. Since it is a good question, I thought it would be beneficial to respond in a new post rather than in the comment section.

Question: is there anything that makes a classical education particularly more Christian per se, or is it simply one of a number of options for education consistent with Christian values and/or priorities?

To answer this question, I'll direct you back to the interview with Susan Wise Bauer. Mrs. Bauer said:

Why haven’t I said anything about “Christian”? Because I strongly believe that parents who are Christians will give their children a Christian education while following this pattern. . . . .

She then defines what Christian education is:

a Christian education is one that grapples with the ideas of history, science, and literature in the light of God’s truth, revealed in Scripture and through the faithful obedience of Christ’s church. If you want to give your children a classical Christian education, you’ll have to work at it; there are plenty of resources to help you, of course, but you’ll have to commit yourself to faithful membership in a local church, and to continual self-education in the foundations of your own beliefs, so that you can provide your children with the wise discipleship they need as they encounter the ideas – good and bad, true and false – of men and women throughout history.

She further defines what a Christian education is in her article entitled "A Neutral Education?" (This is a very long article but definitely well worth the read for the interested)

Christian education is that which has the knowledge of God at its core.

Christian education is not which method you employ nor what curriculum you use, rather, it is how parents educate their children. I know there are non-Christian homeschoolers who use Christian curriculum such as A Beka. These parents certainly don't uphold the Christian doctrines and will thus provide a secularized education for their children. On the other hand, Christian parents can utilize non-Christian material to give a very Christian education.

So then, does one have to employ a classical method in order for it to be Christian? No. Can one use a different method such as unit study, Charlotte Mason, or unschooling and still have a Christian education? One certainly can as long as the parents uphold the "knowledge of God at its core." I personally don't believe that classical education has an advantage over the other methods for being more Christian. Evers and I have decided on classical education because of its model (trivium: grammar, logic, and rhetoric stages). We especially like its emphasis of teaching children how to learn thus producing a lifelong love of learning. Because we are Christians, we are striving to give our children a Christian education to the glory of God.

To summarize, I'll leave you with a quote from Mrs. Bauer:

In the end, Christian education is that given to children by Christian parents who are in obedience to the elders of Christ's body, the local church.

Info on Classical Education

2006-01-16T11:41:00.000-08:00

We are following the classical education model for our homeschool and are using The Well Trained Mind as our curriculum. I recently discovered an interview on Debra Bell's website with Susan Wise Bauer, author of the aforementioned book. If you want to know what classical education is about, this interview summarizes the ideas very concisely.

Like father, like son

2006-01-14T14:50:00.000-08:00

Evers as a baby followed by our dear Andrew at 21 months old.

CD Review: Awesome God

2006-01-12T23:30:00.000-08:00

For the past couple of weeks, the CD being played repeatedly in our house is Sovereign Grace Ministries worship project Awesome God, which is their first worship CD especially targeted for kids (target age group: 7 and up). The CD was kindly provided for free by SGM as part of an offer from Bob Kauflin on his Worship Matters blog to bloggers willing to give it a listen and provide a review on their blogs. This CD has thus been our daily music intake for a couple of weeks on end so that we could get a real feel for it. Granted, our two boys are only 3 1/2 and 21 months old respectively, but they have enjoyed many of the worship songs/hymns that we've sung with/to them over the past several years. Our younger son can even hum the tune to Before The Throne of God Above recognizably although he doesn't even really talk yet! Well, enough preface, here goes...

Bob Kauflin describes the CD in his blog entry this way:

The 12 songs on this CD were written, selected, and arranged to help kids better comprehend the nature and attributes of God, including the fact that He is holy, eternal, the Creator, triune, and our Savior. We wanted the music to be contemporary, accessible, and singable, without it overshadowing the lyrics. We also tried to make most of the songs deep enough so that kids might get more out of the lyrics as they mature.

After spending two weeks listening to the CD, we have been much impressed by it, especially as children's "worship" music goes. There is a lot of variety of musical styles on the album, from several meditative slow songs to the very "bouncy" Forever God track (whose chorus repeats, "You go on and on and on and on..." etc.). From a production standpoint, it's excellently done, avoiding the mistake of the dime-a-dozen "children's praise" CDs so common on discount racks that are frankly unimpressive musically speaking. Most of the songs on the CD also feature the voices (in both solo & choir) of obviously gifted teenagers and younger children.

But what's really enjoyable is that content-wise the songs don't simply dwell in the realm of "Father Abraham Had Many Sons..." type children's church songs. Instead, consistent with many of Sovereign Grace Music's other worship projects, every song is filled with solid content about God and his attributes and the blessings of the gospel. Excepting the youthful voices featured in this album and some of the more "fun" presentations of a few of the songs, every song could just as easily found its way on SGM's other worship CDs. In fact, at least one song is on another SGM worship album: The Gospel Song, which I really enjoy for its simplicity in declaring the gospel in four lines and in my opinion would be a much welcome replacement to "Jesus Loves Me" in children's ministries.

As a matter of personal preference, I might've liked a greater percentage of slower "singable" songs. By "singable" I simply mean songs that I can sing with my kids without pulling out a guitar and drums and from which they can easily meditate on the truths within. My personal experience suggests that songs that kids hear and want to "dance" to, they'll dance to; and songs that they can sing a cappella, they'll learn the words and sing. Naturally, since I see these songs as a tool for learning and expressing truth about God's glories, I lean towards the latter as a preference.

Our kid's assessment? They want to listen to the album every morning when they wake up! I look forward to teaching these songs alongside all of our other "adult" worship songs to my children in future years. Many thanks to SGM for demonstrating a real love for children in putting together this project.

Grace Defined: An Unmerited Ice Cream Sundae

2006-01-11T20:19:00.000-08:00

Evers and Matthew went to McDonald's this evening on the way back from an errand to get a couple of ice cream sundaes (one for me and one for Daddy - and none for Matthew), and upon returning, Evers asked me (in front of Matthew):

Evers: "Does Matthew deserve any ice cream today?"
Lois: "No, he has been very unkind to his brother today. He kept picking on him all day."
Evers: "Why should we give him any then, even when he doesn't deserve it?"
Lois: "Because of grace."
Evers: "What is grace?"
Lois" "Grace is when we receive something that we don't deserve."

Evers then turned to Matthew and explained that in the same way God shows grace to us when we don't deserve it. Matthew certainly did not deserve this treat this evening, but because of grace, he had the privilege of eating it.

This may seem over his head, but from past experiences, I believe he gets it. If not now, he will in the future. I had a hard time with him today because he continued to mistreat his brother even after repeated corrections. When Evers got home I expressed my frustration and disappointment to him. This unexpected trip to McDonald's was beneficial because it gave us an opportunity to teach Matthew about grace and God. Even though today's events didn't go so well, I'm happy to have had this little conversation with Matthew.

Mercy defined: "You have punished us less than our iniquities deserved."

2006-01-09T22:04:00.000-08:00

I was struck this evening by this portion of Ezra's prayer to God upon discovering that the remnant in exile had sinned by intermarrying with the peoples of the various pagan nations:

And after all that has come upon us for our evil deeds and for our great guilt, seeing that you, our God, have punished us less than our iniquities deserved and have given us such a remnant as this, shall we break your commandments again and intermarry with the peoples who practice these abominations? Would you not be angry with us until you consumed us, so that there should be no remnant, nor any to escape? O Lord the God of Israel, you are just, for we are left a remnant that has escaped, as it is today. Behold, we are before you in our guilt, for none can stand before you because of this.

What greater description of God's mercy can there be but this? Even though he lived before the coming of Christ, Ezra knew mercy when he saw it. He knew the patience of God. And when he learned of God's people sinning in spite of the full mercy of God, it brought him great grief. He never once questioned the justice of God in punishing sinners but rightly saw that anything less than complete and total destruction was "less than our iniquities deserved."

I think of J.C. Ryle's commentary on John 13 when he wrote that God's love is in one sense even more amazing toward the redeemed than the lost. He reflected Christ's immense patience with the continued sins of those who've been shown mercy, as opposed to those who've never experienced it. How often we redeemed forget the mercies of God and reveal our ungrateful hearts.

It is my hope that I may have something of Ezra's heart-brokenness at my own sin especially in light of the cross, where surely God has "punished us less than our iniquities deserve" by laying that punishment on His own beloved Son. May I set myself daily at the foot of the cross in wonder at His mercies and strive to live a holy life not out of a desire to justify myself but as a response of worship of the mercies of my risen Savior:

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. (Romans 12:1)

Encouragement for (Weary) Moms

2006-01-06T14:59:00.000-08:00

I just finished listening to Carolyn Mahaney's talk entitled "The Lord is in Your Boat" (click on the link to download and listen). This is encouragement for moms with young children. I needed this talk.

We had a very rough Christmas and New Year. We got sick two days before Christmas and the virus eventually spread to every member of the family and lingered on for two weeks. It was very hard dealing with my own illness while trying to take care of my whiny, coughing, and snotty kids. To top it off, we got extremely discouraged when others questioned our having more kids (or as many as we have: three under 4yo and one in the oven). After all, with more kids in tow, when one kid gets sick, the illness lasts longer because it gets spread to every member like it did for us. It also translates to more work for the parents, not to mention increased exhaustion, fatigue, and lack of sleep. The truth is, parents of young, healthy children experience all of these difficulties, but when kids are sick, the level of fatigue goes up a couple notches. Our tired bodies and dejected spirits were not met with many encouragements but rather comments that seemed to undermine our morale. Perhaps this was good because it forced us to be more reliant on the Lord instead of on ourselves and others.

I really appreciate Carolyn Mahaney's talk. Sometimes the daily grind and the mundaneness of caring for young children do get to us. We do have meltdowns from time to time. Carolyn calls these "storms" in our lives. She calls us to rely on the Lord and to put our faith in Him. Here are just some of her quotes from the message:

Every time we exercise our faith, our faith grows stronger. This is why God allows storms to come into our lives. They all arrive with a very specific purpose.

Every storm is a divine catalyst to teach us about God and to strengthen our faith. In other words, storms help us grow. Kent Hughes notes that this is a vital principle of spiritual life. Without difficulties, trials, stresses, and even failures, we will never grow to be what we should become. Storms are part of the process of spiritual growth.

Next time you find yourself in the midst of the storm, remember that the Lord Himself is in your boat. He's upholding you by His great power. He's also strengthening your faith.

This encourages me because the difficulties I go through each day are not purposeless. I certainly was made to feel I'm a sucker for pain by having so many kids. So what's the purpose? It's for strengthening my faith and it's for my spiritual growth. And ultimately, therefore, for His glory.

To all the moms out there, carve some time out to listen to this message and be encouraged.

"What About College?" part 2

2006-01-03T22:32:00.000-08:00

Following up on Lois' post below about frequent questions we receive from friends and family associating our "large" family size with the anticipated cost of college down the road, I'd encourage you to visit a very thoughtful post from "The Roof Guys" blog on the question, "Should college be our default?" Among other things, I appreciate his concluding thought:

I do want to spend a little bit of time on this blog challenging mindsets that:

a. Merely equate [college] credentials with academic success.

b. Equate a lack of credentials with ignorance.

c. Assume that college is the most efficient way to grow in knowledge.

d. Assume college is the most efficient way to "move ahead" in life.

e. Assume that a college degree is a means of future security.

"What About College?"

2006-01-03T11:12:00.000-08:00

With the impending arrival of baby #4, it would seem that we have exceeded the socially acceptable norm of how many kids one should have, at least in the area we live in. Even though I wasn't surprised by the question, the number of people who've asked about our the size of our family has surprised me. One of most the popular questions that has come up over and over again is, "What about college?" The heart of this question is, "How can you afford college education when you have so many kids?"

This post is our attempt at an educated response to this question which we find, well, well-meaning but misprioritized.

Our first response: should you determine how many kids to have based on whether you can afford your kids' college education? While we certainly see the value of higher education, especially as it relates to numerous professional choices, we question the wisdom of making potential college costs the all-encompassing standard by which we judge whether we can "responsibly" raise a given number children. As Christians, the standard of 'responsibility' should rather be whether we can raise them in the fear & admonition of the Lord while keeping them 'reasonably' clothed & fed.

That being said, we are not naive when it comes to the cost of college education. To answer the question more directly, here are some of my thoughts:

I attended a 4-year university and paid for my own college education without any financial assistance from my parents. I got scholarships, financial aid, and student loans to pay for my tuition. Upon graduation and finding a job, I paid off my loan in two years. I have no qualm in expecting my kids to do the same. Of course, we will help them out financially if they truly need it. It is also a very good way of teaching them the value of money. It has been my experience that people who have their college education completely paid for by their parents take their education for granted. Because I had to pay my tuition back with my own money, I know how much it costs and the value of it.

Attending a community or junior college for the first two years is a very cost effective route. Let's be honest: the first two years of college consists of general education and lower division classes. Why not take these courses at a junior college and then transfer to a university? If you have a certain GPA, most universities have a guaranteed transfer from your junior college.

Another college route is taking the CLEP exam which stands for College Level Examination Program. By taking these standardized tests, you earn college credits thus reducing the number of courses you need to take to complete your degree. It is my hope that my children take advantage of CLEP during their high school years so they do not need to spend all 4 years at a university.

It's been a blessing to have some friends over yesterday discussing family size and college education. Our friend who comes from a family of eight kids tells us that currently there are five children in his family who are attending college. They are paying for their own college tuition via scholarships, financial aid, and student loans. There haven't been any issues with this approach. This friend's family experience has confirmed my own understanding. It helps to confirm that we are not simply naive dreamers when it comes to our children's prospective college educations.

In closing, I want to reiterate that as Christian parents our chief goal and consideration, whether in growing or maintaining our family size, is to raise godly children not college-bound kids. Like nothing else Evers or I have done before, parenting has stretched our faith in God and forced us to rely upon him. Yet we feel confident that as long as our eyes are set on heaven -- not Harvard -- He will grant us strength and wisdom to complete this task faithfully.

"There's a crab in my room!"

2005-12-23T11:45:00.000-08:00

Background: Matthew doesn't like the taste of crab (we eat them Chinese-style, steaming them while still alive). But we haven't eaten crab for quite a while -- maybe a few weeks.

So last night in the middle of the night I hear these shrieks coming from outside our room. I open the door and hear Matthew coming out of his room sobbing and shrieking. It's not something that happens often and usually only if he has a very rare bedwetting accident. So I calmed him down as he was blubbering away, "There's a ??? in my room! There's a ??? in my room!" I muzzled him a bit so he wouldn't wake the other kids up and managed to say, "There's a WHAT in your room?" His response: "A CRAB."

In case you're wondering, we don't live near crab-infested waters. So I was pretty certain he'd had a scary dream, albeit a strange one.

"Okay, let's go see," I said, as I led him into his room and turning on the light. He was still very cautious as I carried him and peeked around the now well-lit room. "Nothing, you see? Where was the crab?" Mostly calmed but still a bit afraid, he said, "On the wall..." as he looked around obviously not sure but thinking it had to be somewhere!

So I took him to the spare room and laid him down to sleep and he went back to sleep.

In the morning, I asked him if it was a live crab: "Was the crab dead or alive?" He said, "It was in a box, cooked. Up top (pointing to the shelf near the top of the raised ceiling in his room)! And it fell out onto my bed."

Okay, a live crab, I can sympathize and comprehend. But who dreams of a cooked crab in a box coming out and landing on your bed?!?!?! What a goofy kid.

What Makes a Woman Beautiful?

2005-12-21T14:45:00.000-08:00

Here are some really insightful thoughts from a brother, in response to Carolyn McCulley's post for single women titled Our Looks and God's Word. An excerpt:

The problem isn't the desire to be physically attracted to your wife. The problem and sin area for men is pride. Our culture has defined for us what beautiful is....

I have been praying for several years that God would "custom wire" my eyes for my wife. What is important is that my heart is genuinely attracted to her. But that will be a work of grace! No matter where she stands on the world's rating system, I want my heart and mind's affections to be directed towards her."

I can really related to the thoughts therein. When I first saw Lois, I was most certainly drawn to her looks (even as we'd already been in correspondence before that). And yet in the few years since, how easy it has been for the world's thinking to encroach upon God's standard for beauty and for me to "forget" how beautiful I found her at first: both physically and "inside." May the above prayer be mine and its answer as well.

UPDATE: Also read a follow-up post from the Roof Guys blog.

Taking Advantage of Luggage Technology

2005-12-19T14:30:00.000-08:00

Funny story. Last night my brother and his wife came back for the holidays and I picked them up from the airport. As I was carrying in their few bags, Matthew volunteered to help. Of course, at three years and eight months old, he has limitations on what he can carry. So I offered him a small bag -- about the size of a bowling ball bag. The bag has four small casters on the bottom, which Matthew immediately noticed. Only problem is, it's up 3 small flights of stairs to get to the guest room.

So what does he do?

He picked up the bag with both arms (like a bag of groceries) and carried them up the first flight.

Then he set it down on top... and rolled the bag all 2 feet to the foot of the next set of stairs.

Then he picked up again and carried up the next leg.... and set it down again! And rolled it another 2 feet.

Finally he carried it up the next 8 steps to top of the last flight and rolled it down the hallway to the guest bedroom (about 12 feet).

Too funny. It would've been simpler just to carry the bag the whole way. But he just had to use those wheels every chance he got. That would be reason they're there, right?

Book Review: Safely Home

2005-12-16T17:03:00.000-08:00

I don't often read fiction; much less "Christian" fiction (which I find in general to be less than sound theologically and often sentimental rather than substantive). But I found out from Jacob Hantla's blog about Randy Alcorn's novel Safely Home and it piqued my interest. Last night, a day after getting it, I read the book through in one sitting (about 4 hours). After doing so, I have to agree with his opinion on the book: "... this book stirred up in us both a passion to share the Gospel, instilled a greater love for God, and humbled us greatly..."

The novel basically sets itself in modern-day China with an emphasis on the state of the church in China. Its emphasis is on the Christian persecution and moral decay of China in the context of a humble Chinese Christian named Li Quan. The other main character, Ben Fielding, is basically a backslidden Christian who has chosen to forsake any ties to his faith (and family, having divorced his wife) for the sake of business success and prosperity. The story tells how he goes to China for business and meets up with his former college roommate Li Quan, in whose life he was actually instrumental for bringing to Christ. Ben discovers, to his surprise, that Li Quan is not the professor or author he assumed him to be, but a lowly assistant locksmith. What's more -- and this is the heart of the story -- while Ben has abandoned his faith, Li Quan's faith has only been strengthened in the face of suffering as a member of the house church movement. The rest of the story follows the two as they both discover why the Lord has brought them together at a pivotal moment in both of their lives.

As a Christian of Chinese heritage, I especially enjoyed this book for its frankness in revealing many of the challenges facing the underground Christian church in China -- from persecution by government authorities to heresy and false teaching from within. I also appreciated the bold faith with which Alcorn endows characters, no doubt gleaned from source material of actual Chinese Christians of our day and age. The book, unlike much fiction, was not an escape from real life; but in many ways, a healthy reminder of the genuine suffering and persecution and providence in the lives of many believers in countries outside of the United States. There is also much Scripture, quoted verbatim, that keeps the book very Biblical in its underlying message.

This was a book that I'd recommend not so much because its Christian fiction, but because it presents the history (and present day situation) of the Chinese church as well as solid Christian truth in a fictional setting that allows for engaging presentation. Again, no doubt, the book was in many ways a composite of testimonies and stories that Alcorn gathered in research of the text.

One weakness of the book for the average English-speaking reader is that Alcorn freely uses pinyin (Chinese phonetics) for common Christian terms in Chinese without translation. While these can be deduced from context most of the time, someone who doesn't speak Mandarin may have trouble keeping up with references to "Zhu Yesu Jidu" (Lord Jesus Christ) and the like. On the other hand, since I am somewhat familiar with "church Chinese" these sprinklings of Chinese actually made me connect with the story just a bit more.

Teaching our children to sing

2005-12-15T11:19:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been thinking a lot about teaching my children songs and music. My oldest is 3.5 yrs old and so far he doesn't know a lot of children's songs with the exception of the alphabet song and parts of "Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star." Do I sound like a failure as a parent? Well, then, let me rave a little about songs that my kid does know. So far we've been teaching him hymns. Every night when putting Matthew in bed, Evers sings to him and prays with him. As a result, he knows how to sing the following:

Before the Throne (This seems to be his favorite. Even my younger one who is 1.5 yrs knows how to hum parts of it)
Rock of Ages (a new version from SGM). This was one of the first songs Evers started to sing to him, so he almost knows the whole thing by heart. He even recognizes when Evers tries to skip a stanza!
Holy, Holy, Holy
O Worship The King
Doxology ("Praise God From Whom...")

It's so wonderful and sweet sounding to hear him sing even just parts of a hymn. It's especially encouraging when I see his eyes and ears perk up when we sing these songs in church. He gets very excited because he knows how to participate in worship.

I don't know exactly why I don't teach my kids children's songs. I don't have anything against them. I think the reason we teach ours kids hymns is because it's a reflection of who we are and what we like to sing.

I came across Bob Kauflin's blog today concerning music. If you want a free CD from him (which you'll have to blog-review), you should email him ASAP since only the first 50 people who email him will receive it.

In his blog he said:

I've noticed for some time that children often sing songs that assume they have a saving relationship with God through Jesus Christ. That's due partly to the fact that many adult songs are simply adapted for use by children. Also, many songs written today for congregational worship tend to be responsive rather than objective in nature. "Jesus, you mean more than anything, I love you, You're my best friend, etc."

It's so true! Our songs tend to be responsive rather than objective. Perhaps this is why we teach our kids hymns. Hymns are rich in expressing God's nature, beauty, and love.

Bob also went on to say:

A case can be made for unconverted children singing songs that profess a love for God or an assurance of salvation. They enable children to develop a vocabulary that will have meaning later on in life as they turn to Christ in repentance and faith.

Amen! We can instill wonderful words about God (including the Bible!) in our kids minds right now so when they are called to embrace the saving work of the Lord down the road, they'll have rich resources from which to draw upon in expressing their own love and worship to the Lord.

Learning to be quiet and generous

2005-12-14T16:37:00.000-08:00

I've been really exhausted ever since I got up this morning. By lunch time, I was so wishing to go to bed. There was one problem: my oldest (3.5 yo) boy doesn't get tired until 2 pm. I told Matthew that we were all going to bed after lunch, and he protested saying that he wanted to stay up and play. Normally I would have had him obey me and go to bed whether he was tired or not. However, I decided to strike a deal with him today. I told him that if he could keep quiet and play downstairs, then he could stay up while the rest of us would nap upstairs. He agreed.

After putting the two younger ones down, I reminded Matthew again to be quiet while we sleep. I limited him to only playing with the train and reading on his own. But before I headed up to bed, the following conversation ensued:

Matthew: "Is it okay to play with the puzzle?"
Me: "Yes." (since it's downstairs in the playroom)
Matthew: "Is there anything else I can play with?"
Me: "You can play with those toys there."
Matthew: "Is it ok to play with the fire engine?"
Me: "Yes, but you can't make any noise with that fire engine."
Matthew: "I won't, I'll be quiet. I'll go to sleep in a little bit."
Me: "If you get tired, just go and lie down by yourself."
Matthew: "Should I go potty again?"
Me: "Only if you need to."
Matthew: "I'll go again because I don't want to pee in my pants."

I napped and got up to find that Matthew had obeyed. I was so impressed. His bedroom door was closed and when I went downstairs, I found the play room to be fully intact. He didn't make a mess! He did play with the puzzle, with one fully assembled all by himself.

When he finally woke up from his nap, I told him that I was very proud of him for being quiet and not waking anyone up. He went on to tell me that he went potty by himself and he peed really quietly. However, he admitted that he did talk, but very quietly. I had no idea when he went to bed which meant he was telling the truth. I was so impressed with him that I told him that I was going to give him some M&M candies as a reward. When asked how many he wanted, he said two. After handing him two, he realized the amount was a bit scanty so he asked for two more. I'm thinking, "That's all??? This kid can ask for any amount and he's only asking for two and then two more???" So I decided to be generous and gave him ten. He was very happy indeed.

Shortly thereafter, his brother woke up. Of course after seeing Matthew eating M&M's, he wanted some too. Because this was Matthew's reward, I didn't ask him to share with his brother. Yet Matthew, all on his own, gave Andrew one. I was so happy to see that. We've been trying to teach our kids to be generous and to share with one another. They don't often eat M&M's and it's a very rare treat. Because the two boys are close in age, Matthew often sees (and treats) Andrew as a threat to his possessions and yummy treats. This incident was extraodinary. I am indeed proud of him.

"Daddy" = "Male Adult"

2005-12-12T22:00:00.000-08:00

Matthew is very fond of recounting the day's events at bedtime.

I recently discovered that when he is speaking of men (as in male adults) he describes them as "daddies" and women as "mommies." For example, this evening we dropped by the "Bethlehem: Experience the Birth" attraction held by First Baptist Church of Santa Clara. As part of the event, a man in a white robe ascends into the sky (illuminated by a spotlight) from a tower in one of the buildings, and plays the part of an angel announcing the coming of the Savior.

Well, naturally, since Matthew is so young, the Christmas story is not quite familiar -- and the appearing of a man in the sky is more interesting. His words in the car on the way home?

"Daddy, why does the daddy angel have no feets [sic]?" (The feet were obscured by the robe, which also obscured the platform upon which he was standing)
"That was a daddy angel. It wasn't a mommy angel. Mommies aren't angels.

This kid is so funny. Lately, I've been reading other people's blogs and at times feel like our life is so boring. As I said to Lois this evening, "It seems like all we do is make babies." Her reply? "Well, at least we have good stories."

Coming attraction...

2005-12-12T16:37:00.000-08:00

For those of you who haven't seen Lois lately, great news: she's expecting again.

And we've been informed by our friendly neighborhood ultrasound technician that Lois is carrying a girl! Her due date is May 20, 2006!

"Do What You Can"

2005-12-01T16:22:00.000-08:00

Moms (and dads) of young children, do you feel like your current season of life has been a hindrance to spiritual disciplines and spiritual growth? Ever feel overwhelmed to merely get up with your children, let alone earlier to open a Bible? I know I do. And I often feel guilty for it. But take heart: it's normal. And there's hope.

Instead of trying to do what we did "before kids," let's consider the advice given in this helpful article titled "Do What You Can.". It's from Don Whitney, author of Simplify Your Spiritual Life (HT: girltalk).

Here's a preview:

"At this time in your life, you can't do what you're used to doing. You don't have time for all your heart desires to experience in your spiritual life. Nevertheless, do what you can do, even though it's precious little. Just don't deceive yourself by thinking that you can put off a devotional life until you have more time. Because when the years roll around and you finally do have more time, your spiritual habits will be so ingrained that you won't give more attention to your devotional life at all."

Looking back at the past with honesty

2005-11-29T11:56:00.000-08:00

Marvin Olasky of World Magazine has an insightful article about how folks, especially ones who are disenchanted with our present age, look at the past with sentimental wishing. Among other good points that caught my eye:

Sometimes, particularly as folks get older, we fall into "good old days" ways of thinking... But what happens if we view American history in a "happy days" way? We might believe that colonial days were filled with pious people—and yet, 18th-century clergymen such as Jonathan Edwards in Massachusetts and Samuel Davies in Virginia didn't see it that way. Davies wrote, "Family-Religion is a Rarity. . . . Vices of various Kinds are triumphant, and even a Form of Godliness is not common."

Fantasies about the past have consequences. If we think the prairies with their little houses were pure, maybe we think that clothes from a century or two ago will keep our daughters safe. If we think that abortion wasn't a problem before Roe v. Wade, maybe we think that if only we get a 5-4 Supreme Court originalist majority—which I hope we do—all will be well. But I demur again, because sin does not come from what we wear or who wears black judicial robes. It comes from within.

I think especially of those I've encountered who look back at the past, especially when watching videos of Little House on the Prairie, wishing they'd lived in "those days" instead of our days which are purportedly less wholesome and more corrupt. And the resulting life choices -- from diet to dress to vocational changes -- can be extreme. And not necessarily led of God. I think Olasky's article makes some good points to the contrary.

Looks like a 3-year-old but sounds like an adult

2005-11-28T20:01:00.000-08:00

I'm often amused by how my 3.5 yo boy sounds so much like an adult whenever he speaks. Here's an amusing example from today:

Matthew found a fork in the living room and he immediately brought it to me. With a very serious look on his face, he asked me in a very stern tone:

Matthew: "Mommy, what is this doing here?"
Me: "Oh, I think it's your brother's doing."
Matthew: "How long has this been here?"
Me: "Err. . . . I don't know."
Matthew: "Was Andrew playing with the fork or did he just drop it here?"

By then I just don't know how to answer him. I felt like I was the child and he was a parent interrogating me!!! So I finally said, "Matthew, just put that fork in the sink."

What a kid.

"Are You Having a Tough Time?"

2005-11-28T19:45:00.000-08:00

My usual school time with my active 3.5 yo is often very trying. He really tests my patience. It's definitely a character molding time for me. While we were doing phonics this evening, he got really antsy and truth be told, I was a little bit frustrated. Thus, towards the end of the lesson, my head started to tilt sideways and from that my boy interpreted my body language and immediately came up to my face and asked, "Are you having a tough time?" I was a bit startled by his question and answered him, "Yes, I'm having a tough time." Then in a nonchalant way, he replied, "Yeah, I'm having a tough time too." Somehow that conversation just makes me laugh and makes the entire school time all worthwhile despite my previous frustration.

Sermon download: "Much Ado About Something"

2005-11-28T09:00:00.000-08:00

A few months ago (seems like an eternity with as much as has been going on in our family), I posted about preaching in our church's evening service.

I've finally managed to get around to converting the cassette recording into a digital format, so if you're interested, you can download and listen to the sermon yourself (it's just under an hour long). The title of the sermon is "Much Ado About Something: Exalting Christ by Exulting in Christ." You can also download the sermon notes for your own reading in PDF format.

Good tea from online

2005-11-23T15:26:00.000-08:00

Well, we got our sample of Jade Ti-Kuan-Yin tea from Portsmouth Tea Company. The verdict? Good tea, though not necessarily fantastically exceeding the ti-kuan-yin brand that we normally get from our Chinese grocery store.

Nevertheless, kudos and thanks to Portsmouth for a generous offer and a satisfactory cup of tea.

Maybe next time we'll try something we don't normally get, like the Apricot Peach Fruit Tea... we had a good experience with Trader Joe's Honey Lemon tea in the past, and might like to try something different and non-caffeinated.

"She's from China!"

2005-11-20T21:12:00.000-08:00

A funny little thing happened this evening when I took the kids by myself to the grocery store. The store wasn't busy so when we got to the checkout line there was no one else in line. There we were: the two boys strapped into an extension on the shopping cart, and Emmaline in her car seat inside the shopping cart.

So the cashier starts a friendly conversation, "3 boys?"

"No," I said, "2 boys and a girl. But you know, at this age, you could tie a pink ribbon and put flowers all over, someone would still ask..."

"Yeah, that's true" she says kindly. And then she turns over to Matthew as she finishes scanning items and waits for my credit card to clear: "Is this your little brother?" (pointing to Andrew). He nods. "And is this your little sister?" Nods again.

Then as we pull forward and they load the groceries, Matthew offers this random statement: "She's from China."

Now, seeing as we're ethnically Chinese and thus obviously Asian in appearance, the cashier and bagger just laugh, assuming it's just a random thing that a child says that's not quite correct. Probably inferring that he meant, "She's Chinese."

So the cashier says, "Oh, she's from China? So, then, where are you from?"

His response, knowingly, without a pause, "I'm from my mommy's tummy."

Again, they laugh, and I remain silent, not quite sure whether to reveal that Matthew is actually revealing more than they realize, since we just adopted her from China less than 2 weeks ago.

If my boy says something foolish, I'm not inclined to defend him. But in this case, he actually said the truth (albeit veiled)... so I didn't feel right leaving these nice strangers thinking him a silly boy (rather than the very perceptive bright boy he is).

"Actually... he's smarter than all of us, ladies. We just adopted his sister from China!"

We all shared a laugh as they realized that they'd mistaken him for a poorly spoken child instead of the perceptive kid he is! What a hilarious kid!

And then came the inevitable kind words about how wonderful it is to adopt, etc. To be honest, I'm not sure how to respond here: on the one hand, it's true (and perhaps even an opportunity for the gospel!). On the other, I'm wary of Emmaline being treated or perceived differently because she is adopted, at least early on in life. That's a subject for another post.

Car Traffic in China

2005-11-15T21:03:00.000-08:00

Our recent trip to China was my third trip there so I wasn't as shocked by the car traffic though I still didn't like it. For those of you who have been to China, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. The picture to the right is very representative of what we saw in Guangzhou. What I'm about to write may shock some of you or you may even think I'm making this up. I just want to say, IT'S ALL TRUE.

Here are my observations:

Seat belts? What seat belts? I was mocked when I tried to put one on. I had to explain that seat belts are mandatory in the States and the kind of comment I received was; we're all wimps in the States for wearing seat belts.
If you're crossing a street and you see a car coming your way, you had better run for your life and get out of that car's way. Don't even begin to think that pedestrians have the right of way.
The bigger the vehicle you have, the better it is for gaining right of way. If you have a small vehicle, you must yield to bigger vehicles if you want to live.
Traffic lanes on the roads are merely suggestions. If there are 4 lanes and you can squeeze in 6 cars, then by all means. Cars tend to weave in and out of lanes and some even drive in the middle of the lane.
If at any point you want to make an U-turn, then go right ahead. Our bus did exactly that in the middle of an small uncontrolled intersection. Imagine our shock when it did that!
If you're hurt and you need an ambulance to take you to the hospital, don't count on it. I personally witnessed an ambulance not being able to move at all because cars were not yielding despite its screeching siren. An ambulance is just like any other car. It's "survival of the fittest," and there's no such thing as yielding to emergency response vehicles.
If you're a foreigner and must take some kind of transportation while in China, I suggest that you just close your eyes lest you have a heart attack.
While in the middle of the road and you feel like taking a break, go ahead and stop your car right there. Just make sure you put your emergency blinkers on. Don't worry, other cars will just move around you. Think I'm joking? We were unfortunate enough to get stuck behind a bus that was stopped for a time at a red light with its hazard lights on. At first we thought it had broken down, but soon thereafter we saw the driver casually appear in the bus and driving it onwards at the next green light.
You don't know the meaning of tailgating until you go to China. All cars are within a foot of each other.
If traffic is congested, but the opposing traffic isn't, then go ahead and drive on the wrong side of the street.

God's Mercies During our Adoption Trip

2005-11-14T21:17:00.000-08:00

We are so happy to be back after about two weeks in China. Home is still the best. After years of traveling, home is still the best place for me. I guess that's how it's supposed to be!

This adoption trip was extremely challenging. We took our two young boys abroad as well so they can be part of Emmaline's adoption. Even though it was very difficult in bringing them, we still think it was for the best as they bonded really well with Emmaline. Both of them showered lots of affection on her. At first she cried because she had never experienced any type of affection, but after several days she started to giggle and smile whenever the boys kiss her.

There were many moments where both Evers and I felt helpless. With the jet lag, different environment, lack of food options due to concerns about hygiene, noise and air pollution, illness, and kids acting up, we were stretched to our limits. I can say I prayed lot more than when my life was more comfortable. I find that when life is smooth, we tend to forget about God and rely on our own strength. However, when we are in tough situations, we tend to cry out more to God. We were so exhausted that we simply had nothing to give. We had to turn to God. I'm just so thankful that He is faithful and gracious to us. Every time I cry out, God either eases the situation or gives me the strength to handle the circumstance. When I lie awake at night due to jet lag, I find myself praying for more of God's mercies. I'm still in awe that He helped us through this trip and that we are home safely.

To remember God's goodness to us, let me list a few of His blessings during our trip:

My brother who was gracious enough to take time off and go on this trip with us. I don't think we could've done it without him. There were so many appointments and paperwork during this trip that we definitely needed another adult there to help out with the kids.
Even though our flight from home to Hong Kong was neither pleasant nor easy, our flight back home was more than we could ever asked for. At first we were very anxious, but we were so pleasantly surprised and utterly in awe that the plane was half full. We were able to stretch out on the extra seats, and on top of that, all three of our kids slept through most of the flight. We are so grateful to God for such provision.
We made friends with several wonderful couples in our adoption travel group. Too bad we live so far from most, though some are close.
While overseas, we were able by God's help to overcome jet lag, fatigue, stomach ailments, long and tiresome days.
Our dear friends Sharon and Anselm Siao who were so kind and generous while we were in Hong Kong.

Here's To A Cup of Tea!

2005-11-14T20:22:00.000-08:00

We love tea. Mostly Chinese tea, and usually the Tie Kuan Yin variety of oolong tea which originates from the Fujian province (which is also where Lois' family hails from). Here's a little blip on this variety of tea:

Grown in the An-xi region of China’s Fujian province, Tie Kuan Yin is the world’s most renowned oolong tea. 40% oxidation results in a tightly wound, uniform tea that is very dense, sage green in color and with what appears to be a light glazing of frost. The art of making Tie Kuan Yin is quite complicated, particularly as the tea nears completion. It is refired one final time at a very low temperature; at this point the most distinguishing feature of the tea (the light glazing of frost) appears on the outside of the tea as the remaining moisture is slowly steamed out.

So when we heard of an online tea company—Portsmouth Tea Company—offering a free canister for bloggers who link to them, we couldn't resist (HT: TulipGirl). Here's to a cup of delicious tea.

We'll let you know how our Jade Ti-Kuan-Yin tastes when we get it!

We're back!

2005-11-12T17:41:00.000-08:00

Not much to report, except that we're back from China with our little girl Emmaline! Hopefully, we'll get back on the saddle posting to the blog within a week...

What Makes Heaven Our Destination of Choice?

2005-10-25T23:46:00.000-07:00

Another great quote from the introduction to John Piper's latest book God Is The Gospel that I blogged about earlier:

Would You Be Happy In Heaven if Christ Were Not There?

The critical question for our generation—and for every generation— is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activites you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisifed with heaven, if Christ was not there? (emphasis mine)

This quote reminded me of a sermon I preached a couple of months ago from Philippians 1:20-21. These are some reflections from my meditations on the passage at the time:

“To die is gain” states in the simplest terms how Paul thinks about death (and eternity): being with Christ. So many appeals and presentations of the gospel today are anything but Christ-centered. More often, they are self-centered (“Do you want peace in your life?”) or even hell-centered (“Do you want to avoid hell, which is a really unpleasant place?”). Worse yet, our references to eternal life are primarily “anti-death.” But Paul gets it right: the only reason one would want to have eternal life is because of Christ! Death is gain, because death brings us finally and forever to be with the one after whom we have longed for (or should) while on earth: our glorious and beautiful and merciful Savior!

References to hell as a Christ-less eternity often fail to convey the real implications of a Christ-less eternity: that Christ himself is the source of all that is good, all that is love, all that is happiness.

Heaven is not merely a “new and improved” version of earth. Earth is a poor copy of heaven in all its glories. We do not see clearly here, only to get a shinier version there. Rather, we see “dimly as through a glass.” There, we shall see that this was but a dream, blurry and undefined. And Christ, above all, shall be seen in unmitigated and unparalleled beauty and glory. And He indeed is heaven’s Sun, all else is a reflection of Him (we don’t see objects, we see light).

John Owen put it very descriptively and nailed it exactly when he wrote in The Grace and Duty of Being Spiritually Minded:
The glory of heaven which the gospel prepares us for, which faith leads and conducts us unto, which the souls of believers long after, as that which will give full rest, satisfaction, and complacency, is the full, open, perfect manifestation of the glory of the wisdom, goodness, and love of God in Christ. (emphasis mine)

Gold mine from the Mahaneys

2005-10-25T22:15:00.000-07:00

C.J. Mahaney is a preacher/author whom I've recently discovered as Biblical, passionate and humble, and also with a wacky sense of humor. Good combination. He currently leads Sovereign Grace Ministries, a family of churches spread throughout six countries. More about SGM here.

C.J. and his wife Carolyn were recently the guest speakers at the Men's and Women's 2005 Fall Conference at The Bible Church of Little Rock (pastored by Lance Quinn). The MP3s of their ten sessions are available for free on the web:

C.J. Mahaney
Sex, Romance and the Glory of God - Part 1
Sex, Romance and the Glory of God - Part 2
Message to Men
Humility: True Greatness
The Cross Centered Life
The Soul of Modesty

Carolyn Mahaney
Message to Women: What Christian Wives Need to Know
True Beauty
A Woman's Beauty Regimen
What To Do About the Things We Can't Do Anything About

Hat tip to Justin Taylor and thanks to BCLR for being generous enough to share these messages with all of us who were not so privileged as to be present under C.J. and Carolyn's teaching.

New mini-blog for our adoption trip

2005-10-24T13:37:00.000-07:00

I've created a little mini-blog to journal our upcoming trip to China to bring Emmaline home. Enjoy! I plan to post photos and notes detailing our experience traveling to China, from China, and bringing her home.

More on the Narnia movie

2005-10-20T14:45:00.000-07:00

Eric Zeller has some good thoughts on his blog about the upcoming Narnia movie that I blogged about below.

The "Christian" organizations that are organizing the "faith community" outreach aspect of the marketing have come up with several themes you can emphasize in your outreach: a) "Encounter the Power"; b) "Winter in Narnia"; c) "Discover the Wonder"; and d) "What if there were no Christmas?". These all may be great ideas, but none of them pertain to what I would argue is the book's central point of Christological allegory: the voluntary substitutionary death of Aslan as a picture of the voluntary substitutionary death of Christ. If there is any point at which we should be using Narnia as an illustration it is that! But that is a little bit too much for our friends at Disney; they'd rather talk about "values."

He concludes:

I do plan to see the movie, and it may be that I’ll be able to use that illustration in an evangelistic conversation - if God provided that opportunity, that would be great. But that is probably going to be the extent of my Narnia outreach efforts. Disney can afford to advertise their own movie - they don’t need me to do it for them.

Also, this post by paleoevangelical talks about this issue as well.

Why "Doctrine" Is Really Necessary (But Not Primary)

2005-10-20T12:42:00.000-07:00

I read this last night in the introductory chapter of John Piper's latest book, God Is the Gospel. I thought it was such an eloquent statement of the necessity of doctrines as well as pitfalls in being zealous of doctrine, I had to share. In most circles of the church in America, it seems doctrine is deemed irrelevant or "heady"... and in other circles, such as some I frequent, I think the danger is to dwell on doctrine so much that we forget the point of being doctrinally informed. Read on, then buy the book. The first paragraph excerpted below is Piper's working definition of "doctrine"; the latter two are the paragraphs I found so helpful. Bold emphases are mine.

Doctrine means teaching, explaining, clarifying. Doctrine is part of the gospel because news can't be just declared by the mouth of a herald—it has to be understood in the mind of a hearer. If the town crier says, “Amnesty is herewith published by the mercy of your Sovereign,” someone will ask, “What does ‘amnesty’ mean?” There will be many questions when the news is announced. “What is the price that has been paid?” “How have we dishonored the King?” When the gospel is proclaimed, it must be explained. ... Unintelligible good news is not even news, let alone good.

Gospel doctrine matters because the good news is so full and rich and wonderful that it must be opened like a treasure chest, and all its treasures brought out for the enjoyment of the world. Doctrine is the description of these treasures. Doctrine describes their true value and why they are so valuable. Doctrine guards the diamonds of the gospel from being discarded as mere crystals. Doctrine protects the treasures of the gospel from the pirates who don't like the diamonds but who make their living trading them for other stones. Doctrine polishes the old gems buried at the bottom of the chest. It puts the jewels of gospel truth in order on the scarlet tapestry of history so each is seen in its most beautiful place.

And all the while, doctrine does this with its head bowed in wonder that it should be allowed to touch the things of God. It whispers praise and thanks as it deals with the diamonds of the King. Its fingers tremble at the cost of what it handles. Prayers ascend for help, lest any stone be minimized or misplaced. And on its knees gospel doctrine knows it serves the herald. The gospel is not mainly about being explained. Explanation is necessary, but it is not primary. A love letter must be intelligible, but grammar and logic are not the point. Love is the point. The gospel is good news. Doctrine serves that. It serves the one whose feet are bruised (and beautiful!) from walking to the unreached places with news: “Come, listen to the news of God! Listen to what God has done! Listen! Understand! Bow! Believe!”

Chronicles of Narnia: "Unprecedented Evangelism Opportunity?"

2005-10-20T11:33:00.000-07:00

I just got a mailer from Focus on the Family trumping the upcoming The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe movie. The headline on the envelope: Now, a major motion picture release provides an unprecedented evangelistic opportunity.

Pardon my tempered enthusiasm, but I could've sworn that many said the same about the Passion of the Christ movie last year. Yet its evangelistic impact was hardly unrivaled, historically speaking... consider the Great Awakenings, etc. And frankly, it seems that sinful men are more likely to turn to Christ in the context of opportunities like world disasters and personal crises than a movie about a lion -- unless seeds have been much sown already.

My question, in light of the excitement about Narnia, notwithstanding the Scriptural opportunity to "make the most of every opportunity" (Col. 4:5); how much are we succumbing to the entertainment-oriented technique-centric media-driven mentality of today's gospel-light American evangelical church in being (overly?) excited about this movie?

The FOTF newsletter states: "The imaginative legacy of C.S. Lewis is an ideal way to reach a whole new generation of hearts and minds!" Again, I wonder if too much emphasis is being poured into this great combination of Lewis' allegory—however illustrative and well-told—special effects and all; and too little on the power of God's Word to save (Romans 1:16, Isaiah 55:11).

Far more have been won into the Kingdom through the means of lives that exemplify the love and power and Word of Christ; than by fancy presentations and books and methods. I don't mean to be a skeptic, but I feel a need to have caution in being overly hyped about this movie. May we have well-balanced enthusiasm even as we ponder the opportunities that this movie may provide.

By the way, I don't mean to say I have no enthusiasm for this movie. I am enthusiastic. But that enthusiasm is primarily driven by my fondness for the original books and my enjoyment in the gospel as it is symbolized in the tales. Plus, I think the effects will be amazing, esp. since the team doing it is the same as that which did the great LOTR movies. I am not primarily viewing it as an evangelistic tool because of my above musings.

How My Boy Learns

2005-10-18T21:01:00.000-07:00

After a long break we resumed school today. Even though the break was not intentional, it provided a refreshing new perspective for me. Perhaps this break was needed. Matthew seems to be reading words and sentences really well, and I'm rather surprised by it. I thought he would forget all those lessons he had learned.

I'm more patient with his boyish nature now. I have previously said that his restlessness is frustrating to me when it comes to schooling. I had wished he could/would sit still for more than 5 minutes so I can at least finish one lesson with him. Well, it was different today. No, he didn't change. He's still restless and moves about a whole lot. However, instead of discouraging his behavior, I adapted my teaching method to his needs.

We learned many new words and sentences today. As soon as he learns one word, he has to act it out or find the object that resembles it. For example, we learned the word "run." After he sounds it out, he gets off the chair and runs around to demonstrate for me that he knows what it means. I like learning the word "hug" because he leans over and gives me a hug. Learning the word "rug" sends him to look for rugs in the house. After learning "dug," he goes on to tell me how he was at a friend's back yard digging and filling holes.

I have previously complained that the most I can do school with him was about 10 minutes. Well, today we were able to do school for about 45 minutes and we covered about 3 lessons. He was having a good time learning new words and sentences and he kept asking for more. We only stopped because I could tell he was getting tired. I was very blessed today. I need to remember that I have a boy, not a girl, and I need to adjust to his boyishness. God made him this way and I must accept it as good.

Parenting by the Book

2005-10-12T22:59:00.000-07:00

Here's a really well-written post on looking to the right "expert" to guide us in being parents (hint: capital "E").

What I discovered the hard way is that God's Word is SUFFICIENT. It is also LIVING and ACTIVE; a claim no Tripp or Dobson or Pearl or Ezzo can make. Everything we need to raise our children before the Lord is contained in His Word; every request brought before Him in prayer is met with His love and wisdom, which He pours out in abundance. (Heb 4:12, James 1:5)

Read the whole thing.

Count Your Blessings

2005-10-11T21:19:00.000-07:00

It's been quite tough recently and because of physical ailments and the constant need to care for my children, I find myself whining and complaining. It is especially hard when I think this trial is too hard to bear. Though I believe my complaints are legitimate because they are true trials, I need to trust in the Lord. Sometimes I just don't know how to pray. Do I pray for this trial to end soon so I can get on with life? Or do I pray for grace and strength through this dificult time? To be honest, I'd like to ask for the first because it is simpler and easier. However, I'm plagued by the second because I know it produces a better me. I am reminded of Romans 5:3-5:

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

I need to rejoice in suffering and look to the Lord. Since I have to go through this trial, might as well make the best of it. See it as a character molding time. Use it to glorify God. Look to the goal!

Instead of moaning and complaining, I think the best way to overcome this trial is to count my blessings, even if they are small blessings. So, my blessings and joys for today are:

My husband being able to come home earlier today to watch the kids so I can rest for a little.
My two lively and adorable boys who are just so precious to me.
My kids were mostly obedient today.
I had enough energy to look after them all morning.
We are still scheduled to pick up our girl from China in two weeks.
We have wonderful friends who provided food for us so I don't need to cook. Our refrigerator is still stocked with food. What a blessing!
My husband is able to take over my homeschooling task.

Baby Care Web page

2005-10-03T21:43:00.000-07:00

Many of my friends have asked me about how I care for my babies and various other tips. I normally respond on an individual basis, but this proves to be too much work after a while. I decided the best way to disperse the information is to consolidate and post it on the web. My hubby is kind enough to create the web page for me and make it look very presentable. If you are interested, visit my "Baby Care" page. Topics include cloth diapering, making your own baby food, infant potty training, and child carrier.

Thoughts on Child Rearing Struggles

2005-10-03T21:20:00.000-07:00

Lately Evers and I have been thinking and talking about how we train and discipline our children. We seem to think about this topic on a continual basis. When I was pregnant with our first child, we read voraciously so that we might be well-prepared to be parents. Most of the child rearing books we read were helpful and insightful. However, I find that one of the danger we parents often fall into is relying on the method itself instead of God. Some of the books even suggest that if you follow a certain method, you'll have an obedient child. I am not trying to debunk child rearing methods. In fact, I find that methods are helpful and God does use methods to bring about changes in our children. What I'm speaking out against is trusting in methods primarily and not in God.

I've told Evers many times that God gave us our first child to humble us. Just when we think we have it all together, some encounter with him shows us otherwise. There were times when I got very frustrated and wondered what I did wrong since he still wasn't as obedient as he ought (we wanted him) to be. I asked myself these kind of questions: Did I flip out? Did I handle the situation righteously? Was I consistent? Are Evers and I on the same page? Did I teach and instruct him correctly? After verifying that I did everything right, I get even more frustrated. Why did he still disobey??? What is wrong with him?!! Most of the time when I begin to go down this path, the Lord brings about a change in me. He reminds me that though I may do everything "correctly," my child may still not be obedient as so-and-so said he would be, because ultimately it's the Lord who brings about real lasting changes in anyone. What I need most is asking the Lord for help instead of flipping through books or researching on the internet to see where I or Matthew went wrong. Instead of relying on my own strength or others' methods, I need to trust in the Lord and His gracious heart-changing power.

It's usually when I'm at my lowest point that God brings about hope. All of sudden my child is angelic and is the most helpful boy I know. What happened? I certainly haven't done anything differently. I believe it is the Lord's work, and I certainly have no claim on that remarkable transformation.

When it comes to parenting, I'm reminded that Christian parents are called to the daunting task of shepherding our children's souls and hearts and not mere behavioral modification. Our goal isn't to crank out well-behaved children, but to lead them to Christ that they might live for His glory. We are talking about soul-shepherding here, not training a dog to obey commands. This task is more serious and difficult. When they disobey, I discipline them—so as to warn them of the grave danger of sinful living—and point them to Christ. When I know that they are not getting it, or if they continue to commit the same offense, I get down on my knees and pray for the work of the Holy Spirit.

Book Review - Humility: True Greatness

2005-09-30T10:38:00.000-07:00

These past of couple weeks, I had a chance to read a pre-publication version of C.J. Mahaney's upcoming new book titled Humility: True Greatness, in exchange for providing a review on my blog. Talk about a win-win situation! In the interest of full disclosure, I'm also going to receive a free copy of the book as a gift for blogging on the book.

One of the pluses of the blog/web world is the ability to cross-link between pages, so before I offer you my impressions of the book, I'll point you the excellent preview of the book over at Tim Challies' site.

Now for my own thoughts. For a long time, I've procrastinated on reading Mahaney's The Cross Centered Life. After reading this book on humility, I'm very motivated to go pick that one up as well. Mahaney is a terrific author: his humorous and readable style is well-complemented by sober and serious Biblical substance.

The book is broken up into three parts. The first section defines the premises and necessity of humility. The second examines how Jesus' life — and especially his death —both model humility and enable us in its pursuit. The final section is essentially Mahaney's advice for practicing humility, both in daily activities and specific areas in life.

A friend once commented that Jerry Bridges' books are as valuable for their bibliographies as they are for their content. I think the same could easily be said for this book. I was amazed by the sheer number of quotes and references to other books and resources. This alone, to me, speaks of Mahaney's genuineness in pursuing humility. He doesn't pretend to have mastered humility. In fact, if anything, this book invites the reader to join him in this very important pursuit. How important is it? As Mahaney points out, if God gives grace to the humble, and opposes the proud, would you rather have God opposed to you? The author does a great job of drawing the reader into Mahaney's own yearning for humility (with his characteristic self-effacing humor). At the same time, his examples and words really forced me to look at my own life and not merely absorb his book as "a good story" to be forgotten.

The two other strengths of this book are its gospel-centeredness (unsurprising given Mahaney's other well-known book) and its very readable suggestions for growing in humility.

Over and over, Mahaney emphasizes the need to place the gospel at the forefront of our pursuit of humility, lest it (ironically) become simply a basis for self-pride. This short book is saturated through and through with reminders of the absolute centrality of the cross, which is both unsurprising and altogether crucial; since the cross is the ultimate reminder that a sinful man being proud is, well, stupid (my word, not his).

I especially appreciated his practical suggestions and exhortations to growing in humility. The book is short, so I won't go into detail (lest I keep you from reading it yourself). That being said, in this section, especially helpful were his numerous suggestions for further reading; as well as his chapter dedicated to parents. Being a young parent myself, it was a very poignant reminder of the place and practice of humility in family life. I loved the fact, in addition, that he suggested so many good books for further reading in order to stimulate humility. Most of them, truth be told, are on my bookshelves waiting to be opened. <grin>

In summary, let me encourage everyone to get a copy of this book (and perhaps even Sovereign Grace Ministries can offer a downloadable copy of it!). I really believe the Lord can use it to help his saints be more like the Savior they represent to the world around them.

Homeschooling is not "God's Way"

2005-09-29T20:45:00.000-07:00

There is a danger for those of us who've opted to provide an education for our children within the home (a.k.a "homeschoolers"): pride. That and making the mistake that homeschooling is somehow "God's Way" of bringing up our children.

There are a couple good articles/links about this subject from Justin Taylor's blog. His post is titled "Homers and the Eight Myths of Homeschooling."

Update on Chinese name for Emmaline

2005-09-25T16:23:00.000-07:00

Even though Emmaline has a Chinese name, that name has no particular heritage other than that of the orphanage/city in which she was born. Why bother giving her a new Chinese name, in light of the fact that it won't be reflected on any legal documents (her Chinese papers will list "Shao Mi Gao" and U.S. documents "Emmaline Anne Ding")? I suppose I want to emphasize that she's a member of the Ding family as much as any of our natural-born children, and that's why I want her to have a Chinese name according to the Ding family tradition.

So... we've been wrestling over and rejecting several dozen possible Chinese words for a given name for Emmaline. According to Ding family custom, our two boys thus far are named 明哲 (míng zhé) and 明隽 (míng jùn). The character 明 (míng) is particular to this generation of Dings, inasmuch as my brother and I share a common middle character in our Chinese names (兆/zhào). So for Emmaline we simply had to choose a third character to append to 丁明 (dīngmíng).

For Emmaline, we've finally agreed on 雯 (wén). And for those of you without Chinese character support in your web browsers, here's her full name in gif format:

You can click on each character to see a dictionary entry for it.

The character “雯” (wén) literally simply refers to “cloud patterns, coloring of cloud.” It is composed of the character for rain (雨) on top of the character for culture (文). It's also a homonym for the word which means culture, 文. As such, the given name implies elegance and a sense of culture.

At least, that's what I'm told. I'm just a simple ABC: American-Born Chinese. For all I know, it's all just sweet words to a dull ear. But I like how it sounds, nevertheless, even if she'll primarily be known (for the time being) as 妹妹 ("meimei", Chinese for little sister). She'll also be "小雯" ("xiao wen" = little wen, a nickname) or "雯雯" (wen wen).

Trivia: these links, respectively, are the number of results that google reports for each of our kid's Chinese names: Matthew (415), Andrew (55), and Emmaline (8).

Another map of our daughter's birthplace...

2005-09-19T09:12:00.000-07:00

Emmaline Anne (oh boy! that's our first public announcement of her name) was born & discovered in Gaozhou. The below map is of the Guangdong province, southernmost in China. Gaozhou city is highlighted in red in the below map. The big purple dot is Guangzhou, where we'll be meeting her and from where we'll bring her home (soon, Lord willing!).

Dealing with Discontentment

2005-09-16T21:18:00.000-07:00

I love viewing friends' photo albums on the internet. It's easily accessible and it's also fun looking at pictures of their vacations, outings, family times, etc. However, the one problem I encounter in viewing others' photo albums is discontentment. “Wow, they did all those fun activities and I sure haven't ... especially since having kids. Look at how happy they are. Look at all those wonderful places they went. Their lives are so carefree, so fun, so much to live for. As for me, I just go through one mundane day to another, taking care of my kiddoes. When will I ever get to do all those exciting things?”

Have you ever felt this way? I certainly have, especially when my kids aren't behaving as I'd like them to. In the midst of trials and the daily repetitious routines, I tend to think I have been given a raw deal. Other people's lives seem to be a whole lot more exciting and glamorous than mine.

I quickly realize being discontent gets me nowhere. I'm not happier. Nor am I appreciative of my husband or kids. I only want to be somewhere else. Discontentment also reveals my dissatisfaction with God. I'm essentially saying that I am not grateful for what He has given me. What is the right attitude then? I need to learn to acknowledge God's provisions and be grateful for what He has allotted. Even though it is not easy to have this attitude when I'm feeling all pouty, but I need to train my heart to go with my brain. I need to keep reminding myself to count my blessings, to be appreciative of my family, to be thankful to God. This is how I train my heart.

[Note from Evers: This article is also helpful for gaining some persective.]

Woohoo! Proof is in the ... toilet!

2005-09-16T14:43:00.000-07:00

Sorry. Those of you with children, you'll understand.

After nearly a year and a half of persuasion, discipline, cajoling and numerous other attempts to get our oldest boy (now nearly 3 1/2 years old) to poop in a toilet... and many tearful refusals to even sit on a toilet... and many nasty b.m.'s in diapers each day... yesterday morning he came and told us that he'd pooped in the toilet after waking up. But he'd flushed it, we were sleeping at the time, and had no idea if he actually had. We were 99% sure he was telling the truth; but weren't sure, since he'd steadfastly refused for so long. No proof, as they say.

Well, just now, he told us he needed to poop. Lois offered him a bounty of jelly beans if he actually did.

5 minutes later: "Mommy, I'm done!"

I ran up to the bathroom, and sure enough, he had pooped in the toilet. His mommy and daddy celebrated! Let the fireworks begin!

If only we'd also taught him to control the trajectory of his urine so that it went into the toilet rather than a good 5 ft straight out onto the floor (which I stepped on as I ran into the bathroom in excitement)! LOL!

Now you know why we started potty training our second one at 4 months old; he already poops in a toilet, most of the time. <grin>

And to close, a hilarious photo from friends of ours who've been using a stuffed bear to try to teach their boy to poop in a toilet. They used the bear to model and then left their boy alone in the bathroom for a few minutes, returning to find:

How to Teach (Restless) Young Boys

2005-09-16T11:45:00.000-07:00

Lois and I have both struggled in recent months with Matthew, as we've begun formal "schooling." One of our more frequent battles has been over "sitting still" while doing "school." A recent post by Al Mohler suggests that rather than fight the battle, perhaps we should learn from it and adapt our schooling techniques. It is so easy to become discouraged with Matthew's boyish restlessness, as evidenced by a recent IM conversation Lois and I had, with Lois describing a friend's experience schooling their young daughter not a year older than Matthew:

She was able to sit down w/her for 1 full hr doing math, reading, and science; and [her daughter] even asked for more. whereas w/me, I can only do about 5 min. with Matthew. Even within the 5 min, he is all wiggly and jumpy.

Yet Mohler's article, and even plain (politically incorrect) intuition and science suggest that this is a battle we'll lose if we fight it instead of learning from it.

This is Mohler's conclusion:

The differences between boys and girls are profound. Most classrooms are girl-friendly and largely feminized in culture. Boys think differently, communicate differently, and are incentivized differently. Young boys cannot sit quiet and still for long periods of time. Their concentration patterns are very different from those of girls -- and they know it. Resisting an acknowledgement of these differences requires a tremendous capacity for denying the obvious.

Devotional Recommendation

2005-09-12T21:05:00.000-07:00

I finally found a devotional book/guide that I really like and would wholeheartedly recommend to everybody. D.A. Carson's book For the Love of God (Vol. 1 & 2) is a devotional companion to Robert Murray M'Cheyne's Bible reading schedule. If you follow M'Cheyne's schedule, you will read through the New Testament and Psalms twice and the Old Testament once in the course of a year. Each daily reading consists of four different passages, two from the OT and two from the NT. I have been following this schedule for some time now, and one of the complaints I have is wishing I could dig deeper into the Bible. For a while I searched for something that would help me understand the Bible better without having to do tons of reading on a daily basis. I also didn't like most of the devotional books available because they tend to be fluffy or the exegesis of the Bible isn't always on target. Another danger was the tendency for the devotional book to commend itself or its lessons instead of the Bible. In contrast, Carson in the introduction of his book says:

If you must skip something, skip this book; read the Bible instead.

I really appreciate this. Amen. The Bible should be THE book we cling to. It was with great delight that I discovered Carson's companion guide. Carson dispenses reflections, explanations, and comments regarding each daily reading. I have been enjoying this little treasure because it enables me to gain a better understanding of the Bible.

John Piper on Katrina: "Intelligent Design?"

2005-09-11T22:33:00.000-07:00

Read the whole article.

Our guilt in the face of Katrina is not that we can’t see the intelligence in God’s design, but that we can’t see arrogance in our own heart. God will always be guilty of high crimes for those who think they’ve never committed any.

But God commits no crimes when he brings famine, flood, and pestilence on the earth. “Does disaster come to a city, unless the Lord has done it?” (Amos 3:6). The answer of the prophet is no. God’s own testimony is the same: “I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am the Lord, who does all these things” (Isaiah 45:7). And if we ask, is there intelligent design in it all, the Bible answers: “You meant evil . . . but God meant it [designed it] for good” (Genesis 50:20).

This will always be ludicrous to those who put the life of man above the glory of God. Until our hearts are broken, not just for the life-destroying misery of human pain, but for the God-insulting rebellion of human sin, we will not see intelligent design in the way God mingles mercy and judgment in this world. But for those who bow before God’s sovereign grace and say, “From him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever,” they are able to affirm, “Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!” (Romans 11:36, 33). And wisdom is another name for intelligent design.

Good follow-up on video games (and TV for that matter)

2005-09-09T16:38:00.000-07:00

Check out good thoughts from parents who are there and working through it.

As parents it is vital that we be informed on issues related to our children's physical and spiritual well-being so we can make wise decisions on their behalf. Hopefully, reading this article will help you do that.

But secondly, we have asked two moms and pastors wives--who between them have no fewer than eight boys--how they, following their husband's leadership, have handled the issue of video games in their homes. Both of these families have been long-time friends of ours, and we have observed up-close for many years the godly fruit of their parenting in the lives of their children. ... May their thoughts provoke all of us to consider our own guidelines for our children's "gaming" habits from a biblical perspective.

Note: while the above link is helpful, I think it's also important to have a Biblical framework for "entertainment." Read Lois's original post on video games & TV for more on that.

Learning anytime without even "doing school"

2005-09-07T23:16:00.000-07:00

One of the things I've gleaned from other homeschooling & blogging parents is that if you homeschool, all the time is “school-time.” Whereas, I think, if you put your children in institutional schools, you may help them with homework; but since the bulk of the curriculum has been delegated (abdicated?) to professional instructors, you really aren't on top of your child's learning.

Now, that may seem somewhat prejudiced, and perhaps it is. And even premature, given that the oldest of our two boys is only just starting on phonics. But even at this early stage, I've felt so blessed to know exactly what he's learning. And I'm able to integrate it into such seemingly insignificant things as bedtime reading. Because Lois is the primary “schoolteacher,” and I pitch in on occasion, I am quite aware that Matthew has recently mastered individual letter sounds (e.g., “the short vowel sound of 'A' is...”). And Lois has been trying to move forward onto reading two-letter combinations, such as “an” and “en” with some success. But moving to three letters has seemingly resulted in a wall of incomprehension on Matthew's part.

All that's to say, even as this evening I read him a picture book called Freight Trains, that because I know precisely where Matthew's at in reading skills -- something that I think is a virtual impossibility if we're not homeschooling -- I can read to him and teach at the same time! As I read the big words on one side of the book, I paused each time I saw a simple three-letter word and asked him to sound out the letters. I then modeled for him composing those sounds into a word! Without forcing the issue in a “formal teaching” environment, but almost casually, I really believe that he'll pick it up quicker than if we try to hammer it home... and quicker than if we “wait for him to show signs of readiness”. And certainly quicker than a teacher with a classroom of students can address his needs.

So neat. And also so enjoyable for me as a father to be able to participate in his learning in such intimate ways.

Thoughts on Video Games and TV

2005-09-07T22:21:00.000-07:00

I just came across Al Mohler's commentary on video games, and it's an excellent piece. Please take a read. I believe this is a relevant topic because video games are rampant and it seems people of all ages are addicted to video games. I see it everywhere. What irks me the most is seeing it in the library. Libraries in my area usually have a nice big computer room, and I believe it is intended for educational purposes. Well, it certainly doesn't look like it. Every time I pass by the computer room, I can see a roomful of kids playing video games. It just seems very wrong to me. What gets to me even more is when I need to use the computer to look up the library catalog, there isn't one available. Most are taken by gamers.

Our family stays away from video games and we will do our best to keep it this way. We also don't have a TV. We probably sound so archaic and we might even be mistaken for a Luddite. My husband is super geeky so that negates the notion (he says he's a "pragmatic" neo-Luddite). The media is so influential that we are weary of its negative impact. We believe video games and TV watching are not a good use of one's time. The Bible tells us in Ephesians 5:15-16 to make the most of every opportunity.

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.

Gaming and TV watching don't seem to be consistent with this passage. We need to take heed of this exhortation seriously.

Another negative aspect of too much media is the need to be entertained constantly. Living in an entertainment oriented culture, immediate gratification is sought relentlessly. Well, what is wrong with that? It leads to a weakened or atrophied mind for one. When you need to do the harder task such as reading, it is very difficult. There are very few people who can think, write, and speak well. Why is that? Our culture doesn't promote this. We are constantly being entertained (see Neil Postman's excellent Amusing Ourselves To Death). We want the easier route, not the difficult one where it produces character.

Creativity has also suffered. TV and video games give us images and dictate how we think or imagine, there is no room for one's own imagination. We merely imitate what's projected to us.

Our culture has also resulted in increasing obesity, especially in kids. I was somewhat shocked, though I probably shouldn't be, to meet a chubby 8 yr old with hefty love handles recently. His body fat most likely exceeds the norm. I witnessed an all day video game marathon, and I believe this has a lot to do with his weight issue. Excessive gaming (or more accurately the physical inactivity this promotes) produces sedentary lifestyle which leads to obesity. Of course this little boy will have health issues down the road. In seeing this strong correlation, do I want this for my family? The answer is an emphatic NO.

There are countless examples of negative impact of TV and video games. We need to be responsible and do the wise thing. Turn off the TV, or better yet, toss it. Stop playing video games. Go out and play ball.

Lastly, lest anyone think that I believe TV watching is wrong, I need to explain that I don't think it is. It is fine to have a TV in the home but be careful of what you show your children and how long they sit in front of the tube. We parents need to weed out all the bad programs and be very selective. I believe the best thing is not watch the TV at all. That's my opinion.

Jane Healy's book Endangered Minds: Why Children Don't Think and What We Can Do About It is an excellent book about how TV viewing affects our brain functions. Don't live with an atrophied mind, give it a good exercise by reading some good books.